The Ongoing Affair
by Cress
Summary: Joey:Chandler slash. Monica finds out about her husband's bonus nights and Phoebe's secret feelings.
1. Bonus Nights

[This story takes place at least two years after episode 816, TOW Joey Tells Rachel. (It also flashbacks to earlier seasons.)  
  
Thanks so much to Exintaris, for his help and advice. The Monica/Phoebe stuff is inspired by his "Triangle" story, so check it out.]  
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Monica came home from a chef's conference out of town. She would have taken Chandler with her on the trip, except that he hated the idea of all that smelly cheese and having to hobnob with boring gourmet experts. Monica had a good time by herself, but decided to come home early and surprise her husband.  
  
Putting down her bags in the apartment, Monica looked around and called Chandler's name, but he wasn't at home. So she went to check Joey's place across the hall, but that apartment also looked empty. Just as she decided to try Central Perk next, she heard strange noises coming from Chandler's old bedroom.  
  
Monica burst in and found a naked couple in the bed. "Chandler!" After the first shock, she gasped again. "Joey!"  
  
Joey scrambled to apologize. "Oh my God, Monica! I'm sorry, I'm--"  
  
Chandler stammered too. "Oh no-no-no! Damn it, you're early!"  
  
"Damn it, you're gay!" she shouted back. This was too much for her. She had to sit down on a chair.  
  
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" her husband spoke more considerately. "I really love you, I do, Monica! This isn't serious. I'm not--"  
  
"Not serious?!" she stared at him incredulously and gestured to the bed. "So, what, you make a habit of casually sleeping around with our friends?"  
  
"No, just Joey. I mean, I mean--" He sighed and gave up. "Look, I'm sorry." He reached for his clothes. "Let me get dressed and we'll go talk about it okay?"  
  
"No, we'll talk about it right here in your love nest!" She turned to Joey, hurt. "Joey, how could you do this?"  
  
"I'm sorry!" Joey looked genuinely guilty. "I've messed everything up for you guys. Oh God, I'm so sorry."  
  
"It's not your fault," Chandler touched Joey's shoulder.  
  
"I don't care whose fault it is!" Monica screamed in frustration. "You're both cheating on me! My husband, and one of our close friends! Apparently too close," she murmured sadly. "How long has this been going on?"  
  
Chandler winced. "Oh, um, that's kind of complicated."  
  
"What do you mean complicated?!"  
  
"Please calm down, honey--" She gave him a dirty look at the word "honey", and he cringed. "--I mean, Monica. It's, um, complicated because this is not an actual, I don't know, ongoing affair. It's more like a once-a-year bonus night."  
  
"Bonus night?"  
  
"Yeah, you see, Joey and I used to sleep together years ago. On a more regular basis, I mean."  
  
"When?!"  
  
"Well," he shrugged, "it was after I came back from Yemen. Remember, I told Janice I was moving to Yemen, and I had to get on the plane?"  
  
Monica nodded. "Yeah, then what?"  
  
"Well, when I got back, Joey and I hung out one night and discussed all my failed relationships from Janice to Kathy. I said I really thought Kathy was the one, since she was just like me--smart, funny, and with my same taste in books and comedians. Joey said that's why he liked her too, and I joked that maybe he thought of Kathy as me with boobs. Why not just cut out the middle-man and jump me, you know? ...And he did."  
  
Monica was shocked.  
  
"Yeah," Joey added with a shrug, "I guess we'd had too many beers that night. We started kissing and one thing led to another..."  
  
Monica grimaced and turned away. "Fine, fine, I guess I can understand one drunken night, but where does all this 'bonus night' stuff come in?"  
  
Chandler glanced awkwardly at Joey, then explained, "Well, the two of us kept fooling around after that night. I mean, we both kept dating women, but a lot of times I'd come home unsuccessful and Joey would want to comfort me. Even if *he* had a date that night, he'd wait till she fell asleep and then come into my bedroom to wake me up. Sometimes the girl would wake up and hear us, and even want a threesome with us. It was like some surreal, wild fantasy, you know?"  
  
She groaned. "*Please* tell me all this stopped before London!"  
  
Chandler looked guilty, and Joey spoke for him, "Well, actually, if you hadn't been there in London, Chandler and I might have done it again."  
  
"Oh my God!"  
  
Joey nodded. "Yeah, um, when I came back to the hotel room, it wasn't just to get condoms, it was to get Chandler too, but he didn't want to join me and the bridesmaid. I thought maybe Chandler was still mad at me about all the fighting we'd been doing in London, but he made a gesture to me that he had somebody with him under the covers. So I thought we could make it a foursome, but as soon as he saw that look in my eyes, he shook his head and mouthed 'No, this girl won't do anything like that.' I teased him for a while, but finally just went back to the bridesmaid by myself."  
  
Horrified to learn the *real* truth about London, Monica turned to Chandler sarcastically, "Thank you for being so perceptive about me not wanting a foursome!"  
  
Joey tried to make things better, "Monica, I swear, after London, Chandler definitely and completely broke off all our fooling around. He said that he didn't want to experiment with gay stuff anymore, or ruin our friendship, or whatever. I thought it was weird, until I found out that he was actually seeing you, since London. I asked him if he was sure that you didn't want a threesome, and he said yes, he was sure, and he didn't want to mess anything up with you. He really, really loves you."  
  
"Yeah, right!" Monica rolled her eyes. "It means an awful lot to me that he was faithful for a little while, especially since you two are here in bed again!"  
  
Chandler apologized, "I'm sorry, I am! We both are. We didn't mean to cheat on you, Monica! But then Vegas happened--"  
  
"Vegas?"  
  
"Yeah, um, Joey and I were fighting about his movie, remember? Then you and I fought about you having lunch with Richard. I got depressed, and maybe it was all the oxygen they pumped into the casinos, but I asked Joey up to the hotel room and we did it again."  
  
"*Our* hotel room? Our--" She was horrified. "Chandler, it was our anniversary!"  
  
"I know, I know! But it wasn't exactly like you were moping over me. When Phoebe finally talked me into apologizing, I found you gambling in the casinos."  
  
"Oh God, Phoebe didn't find you together, did she?"  
  
"Well no, not in bed together. We locked the door... and took a while to open it. I don't think she suspected anything, because why wouldn't she tell you about it? Why would she make me go downstairs and make up with you?"  
  
Monica couldn't believe it. "Oh my God, you *proposed* to me that night, Chandler! We almost got married!"  
  
"I know, it was crazy! I was hopped up on the oxygen! So were you! It doesn't matter, because we came to our senses and just decided to move in together."  
  
"When was the next time you did it with Joey?"  
  
Chandler frowned. "Um, the night before I moved in with you."  
  
"What?! You said once a year, Chandler!"  
  
"I know, but this was different! I mean, remember how Joey cried when we told him I was moving out? Then, while you girls were packing up Rachel's stuff, I tried to give Joey some money, but he lost it all to Ross. I'm sorry, I just--it was an impulse. He gave me the big white dog, he said he'd miss me, and he even said he was happy for me and you..."  
  
"So you hopped back into bed for old time's sake! Ugh!" Men! Always thinking with their penises. She was furious. "Chandler, there are plenty of other ways to comfort him besides cheating on me!"  
  
"I know, I'm sorry."  
  
She sighed, almost hating to ask the question, "When was the next time?"  
  
"Well, um," he said hesitantly, "it was when you and I got engaged."  
  
"What? You ruined that night too! Oh my God!"  
  
"I didn't plan to do it! It's just, remember how I had trouble," he coughed, "*performing* in bed that night? It drove me nuts that we were engaged now, but the stress or the champagne or something was messing me up. I mean, we finally got Phoebe to stop singing outside our door, but I still couldn't do it. I know you said it wasn't a big deal, but it was a big deal to me. I couldn't just go to sleep and forget about it, like you could. So I went across the hall, and I asked Joey if he knew any possible way to help me, and well, he decided to draw on his previous experience in turning me on."  
  
"You were engaged to me!" she screamed. "Joey, even as slutty as you are, don't you know that you don't go screwing somebody's fiance' on the night of their engagement?"  
  
Joey looked deeply sorry, but Chandler defended him. "Hey, it's because of Joey that you got back a fully functional fiance' in the morning."  
  
"If I had known, I would have broken off the engagement!" She started to cry. "You didn't do it on our honeymoon, did you?"  
  
"No!" Chandler answered. "I swear, we didn't."  
  
Joey nodded. "Yeah, Mon. I mean, I was the minister at the wedding. Even I knew to keep away from him then."  
  
Monica sighed and wasn't really comforted by that. "Then how many times," she asked Chandler, "since we've been married?"  
  
"Only twice!" He frowned and realized that it wasn't something to be proud of. "The first time, um, was when Joey had just told Rachel about his crush on her, and she rejected him. She made up stupid lies about work just to talk to him, and assumed that his feelings would simply fade away. He just looked so miserable, that I wanted to, you know, give him some closure if I could."  
  
"It really helped," Joey commented.  
  
Chandler shrugged. "And now, um, now is the second time."  
  
"I see." Monica sat there absorbing the full weight of all these revelations. Rachel might have summed it up best. "Once a cheater, always a cheater."  
  
Chandler tried again, "I really do love you, Mon. I mean it. If you can somehow forgive me, I promise I'll--"  
  
"You'll stop sleeping with him?" She scoffed. "Whatever you say or do, you're just going to end up here again."  
  
"I'll go away," Joey offered, feeling horrible. "I'll move to L.A. or something. I'm so, so sorry, Monica!"  
  
She shook her head. "No, don't go anywhere, Joey. I'll go." She got up from the chair and exited. 


	2. Getting Serious

Chandler quickly threw on a robe and followed her to the living room. "Monica, please don't divorce me," he begged. "I can change, I swear! I mean, we're down to every other year now. That's better, huh?"  
  
She turned around angrily. "Don't you get it, Chandler?! It's not how often you sleep with him, it's the fact that you sleep with him at all! And do you notice how most of the time, you're sleeping with him during a significant moment of our relationship? You can find all the excuses you want about how you're comforting him, or he's comforting you, but what it really comes down to is that you guys wish I wasn't in the way!"  
  
"What? No! Monica, I swear, it's not like that. Joey and I are just friends most of the time. It's not serious--"  
  
Why did he keep saying that? "Open your eyes, Chandler! It *is* serious. It's so damn serious I could cry! I mean, it's like you two are Ross and Rachel, only gay. Despite all of Joey's hot dates and despite my marriage to you, you guys ache to get back together."  
  
"No, we don't!"  
  
"Face it! You couldn't *perform* the night we got engaged because your body was telling you that the whole proposal was a mistake. Your body was telling you that you should be with Joey, not with me!"  
  
"What? No!"  
  
"Yes!" she yelled back. "Just ask yourself one thing, Chandler. When you're making love to me and fantasizing about the supermodels and celebrities on your freebie list, do you ever, ever picture Joey?"  
  
Finally rendered speechless, Chandler nodded and admitted that he did.  
  
"Then I hope you're happy with him!" She stormed out and slammed the door. She soon slammed the door of the apartment across the hall too.  
  
Chandler didn't follow and just stood there, realizing now that Monica was right. There were far too many nights that he thought about going back to Joey's place and asking him for another bonus night.  
  
"Chandler?" Joey asked softly.  
  
He turned and saw Joey in the bedroom doorway, wearing a robe too and still looking sad.  
  
"I, um, I heard what Monica said," he whispered. "Do you think she's right, about us?"  
  
Chandler cautiously came toward him. "Do you, do you want her to be right?"  
  
Joey shrugged and looked at his feet. "I, um, I picture you too."  
  
Chandler smiled softly and caressed his face. "Then maybe, maybe we should be serious." They met each other's eyes and kissed.  
  
***  
  
Monica starting throwing Chandler's belongings out into the hallway, not even caring about making a mess for once. She seriously thought about moving away from New York, or at least from this apartment, with all its memories. Maybe Phoebe would want to be roommates again.  
  
Tired from throwing stuff around, Monica finally sat down on the couch and called Ross.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Hi, Ross."  
  
"Monica? Hey! You're home early."  
  
She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, that's what everybody says."  
  
"So how was the trip?"  
  
"Never mind about that!" She took a breath and asked him for the number of his divorce lawyer.  
  
"What? Are you kidding, Monica?"  
  
"I'm not kidding! Give me the number!"  
  
"But, Mon, what's happened? What's wrong?"  
  
"Chandler's cheating on me."  
  
"What? No way!"  
  
"Yes way! Did you know that he's been sleeping with Joey?"  
  
"Joey?!" Ross stammered incredulously. "J-Joey? Our Joey? Joey Tribbiani?"  
  
"Shut up, Ross!" She sighed. "Yes, our Joey. Apparently Chandler's been going back and forth between us for years, and just now I caught them together. So I told him to just stay the hell over there."  
  
"Oh my God!"  
  
"I know. Look, we'll probably get the gang together soon and explain it all in detail, but if you don't mind, I just want to get the paperwork going and end this marriage that never should have been!"  
  
"Okay, okay!" Ross acquiesced and got the number. This was all very shocking. "Should I tell Phoebe and Rachel about it yet? I mean, just what you've told me already?"  
  
She shrugged. "Go ahead. But not Mom and Dad! I'm not ready to face them with *this* news right now."  
  
"Sure, I understand. Our secret."  
  
"Ross?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"You got any advice? You know, since you went through something like this with Carol?"  
  
He thought about it. "Just, just know that it's gonna be all right."  
  
"Thanks, Ross."  
  
***  
  
After her talk with the divorce lawyer, Monica hung up the phone and sighed, just staring at the notepad on which she'd written her appointment with the lawyer.  
  
"Mon?" Chandler's voice interrupted her thoughts.  
  
She turned around in surprise and remembered that she had left the door open when throwing out all of Chandler's stuff. He was fully dressed now.  
  
"How long have you been standing there?" she demanded irritably.  
  
Chandler shrugged with a trace of humor. "Oh, about the time you said, 'Really? Because the bastard lied to me, I might qualify for an annulment instead of a divorce?'" He looked humbled and apologetic. "I just, I just came over to pack up my clothes, but um, it seems you've done that for me." He glanced at the pile of junk thrown into the hallway.  
  
"You deserve it!" Monica shouted. "This isn't your house anymore!"  
  
"I know, I know." He came into the living room. "Look, I also wanted to apologize--"  
  
"I don't want to hear it!" She turned away furiously.  
  
"No, no," he explained, "you were right, Monica. Completely right. I'm an awful husband, and you can divorce me or annul me or whatever you want."  
  
"Well, good," she said. "Not good that you're an awful husband, but good that you're not gonna argue with me."  
  
He nodded and sat down across from her, looking guilty. "And I should have told you about Joey years ago. You know, to give you all the information before you accepted my proposal or anything. I'm starting to realize just how stupid I've been, and I'm very, very sorry. You do believe me, right?"  
  
She shrugged.  
  
He sighed. "I understand. Um, there's just something else I want to say. You see," he cleared his throat, "you see, the reason that I wanted to make it work with you so much was that I had a crush on you for years before London. Remember how many times I offered to be your backup boyfriend or husband?"  
  
She nodded.  
  
"Anyway, I thought I knew the difference between a crush and something serious, but..." He shrugged and looked guilty. "Well, um, it was wrong of me to cheat on you and everything. You deserve so much better, and I just, I hope you find your real soul mate soon, whether it's Richard, or Don the cheese-lover, or somebody brand new." He frowned and looked a little confused, "I don't know if this means anything to you, but Joey was talking about some kind of Hoyt guy? I-I don't know."  
  
Monica managed to laugh. Hoyt was the ideal husband and father of Monica's kids that Joey had pictured for her years ago, when she wanted to get a sperm donor.  
  
"Well, hey!" Chandler smiled in surprise. "I can still make you laugh, I guess." Then he looked serious. "Again, I'm deeply, deeply sorry, and Joey is too. Just, um, let me know when I have to be at court or sign some papers or whatever, okay?"  
  
She nodded. "Okay."  
  
Chandler got up and walked out, shutting the door after him. 


	3. Not That Easy

From the hallway, Chandler handed a messy pile of clothes inside to Joey. "Just put this in my old room. I'll sort it out later."  
  
"Okay." Joey did so, then returned to see Chandler coming into the apartment with the white dog statue, which up until recently been living on the balcony outside Monica and Chandler's apartment.  
  
"The big white dog!" Joey exclaimed, as he helped pull the dog inside. "Oh, what happened to him?" He noticed that the dog's tail had broken off.  
  
"Yeah, um, I guess Monica threw him into the hallway a little hard."  
  
"Aw, we're gonna have to fix this. I might have some glue that will work. Wait a sec."  
  
Chandler pulled the statue into the living room while Joey rummaged around, still holding the broken tail.  
  
Chandler smiled and spoke jokingly to the dog, "Now if you behave, you don't have to live outside anymore."  
  
Joey came back with a tube of adhesive. "I think this will work."  
  
"Be careful," Chandler warned, "you don't want to get your fingers stuck to anything."  
  
Joey was careful as he reattached the tail to the dog, but he did forget something. "Hmm, I don't have anything to clamp it until the glue sets. I guess I'll just hold it."  
  
"How long?" Chandler asked, reading the label. "It's gonna be a few hours. Hold on and I'll see if we can prop it against something." He looked around for anything they could use, like a table or hockey stick or stool, but nothing seemed to be the right height or angle to keep the tail in place. "Let me know if your arm gets tired, Joe. I can take over while you look."  
  
"Okay." As Joey sat there, getting a bit bored, he started to reminisce aloud. "Hey, Chandler, remember when we got him?" He referred to the dog. "Actually, I got him, and brought him here after I got fired from *Days of Our Lives*."  
  
"Yeah. Ross bought him for you, when your stuff got repossessed."  
  
Joey nodded. "Remember when we named him?"  
  
"Well *you* named him Pat the dog. I thought he was more of an Oliver."  
  
Joey rolled his eyes. This was why they reverted back to "the big white dog". Without thinking, Joey continued, "Remember when you moved out and I gave him to you?"  
  
There was an awkward silence, and Chandler abandoned his search. He turned and saw Joey's smile turn to pain at the bittersweet memory of sleeping with Chandler one last time (or so he thought) only to watch him move in with Monica in the morning. And of course, with that memory, other memories came back of other stolen nights and other mornings where they pretended that nothing had happened.  
  
Contrary to what the guys had told Monica today in asking for her forgiveness, their first affair years ago had not been that casual, nor devoid of real feelings.  
  
Chandler bit his lip. He should have known that their reunion earlier today had been too easy. He and Joey had avoided bringing up the past all day, wanting to just focus on being back together, but the past could not be escaped.  
  
Joey stared at the ground and looked hurt. "You left me. You always leave me."  
  
Chandler frowned with guilt. "I know," he said softly, "but not anymore. I, um... It was all a mistake, a terrible mistake. If I could take it back--"  
  
"You can't," Joey interrupted. He swallowed and shook his head. "And you didn't, you didn't even love her."  
  
In some ways, that hurt more. It was one thing for Joey to always step aside when he thought that Chandler really loved Monica and she was his soul mate, but if none of that was true, then why had Joey suffered for so long? Why did Chandler keep using him and leaving him? Suddenly Joey wasn't jilted for a greater love in Chandler's life; he was just plain jilted.  
  
"Joey... I didn't know. I didn't realize how much you meant to me."  
  
That explanation didn't comfort Joey at all. Why *didn't* Chandler know? Why did it take an argument with his wife to make him see?  
  
"I'm sorry," Chandler said helplessly. With a sigh, he came over and rubbed Joey's shoulder tenderly, whispering, "I'm here now, you know? I'm back for good."  
  
Joey nodded, but how reassuring was that, really? Chandler was back because his wife caught him cheating and was divorcing him. How touching!  
  
Chandler tried to hug him close. "I love you."  
  
Joey pulled away from him. "That's what you said to her." He winced and got up, dropping the tail on the rug and starting to pace around. "You say you love me now, but you were telling her just today that we were nothing." He looked disgusted with himself. "You even had me doing it too, just 'cause I didn't want to hurt her more. I mean, what was I doing? 'Yeah, Mon, he really loves you, so you take him back real quick, so he'll forget all about me again.'" He shook his head and scoffed. "Ross and Rachel, huh? Yeah, we're just as screwed up as them right now!"  
  
Chandler stared at him and didn't know how to answer. Everything Joey said was true.  
  
"I mean," Joey was choking up, "one minute I'm trying to be all happy for you--your marriage, your trying for a baby--all of it, and the next minute, you come waltzing in here and want another bonus night. I mean, what the hell do you want from me?!"  
  
"Joey, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."  
  
"Sorry!" He swallowed and sank onto the couch, fighting the urge to cry. He wanted to stay macho and angry, but he couldn't help hurting so bad. He asked Chandler, "Why are you back here, huh? 'Cause I'm your second choice, the one you fall back on? I'm here. I'm always here when you need me. That's why you come, isn't it?"  
  
Chandler tried desperately to mend things. "I've been an idiot. I've been a stupid, stupid bastard!" He came over and knelt in front of Joey. "But I can make it better now. I'll treat you right."  
  
Joey was skeptical. "I mean, how do I know you're not gonna go back to her if she suddenly changes her mind and forgives you?"  
  
"I won't, Joe. I won't! It's over with her."  
  
"Over!" Joey snorted.  
  
Chandler knew he deserved that. He had told Joey that it was over between him and Joey after London, but he kept coming back for all those bonus nights. Could anything he said be trusted?  
  
The more Joey thought about it, the more disillusioned he became. "What if Monica hadn't come home early and found us? What if she hadn't said all that stuff about us? I mean, you said that this was gonna be the last time, *again*. Were you just gonna go back to her tomorrow and leave me hanging for another couple of years?"  
  
God, why did Joey have to be so right? What could Chandler possibly say? "Joey, I'm sorry!" he repeated, pleading for forgiveness. "I was blind! I--Oh my God, the way I've treated you! I'm so, so, sorry."  
  
The apologies sounded hollow to Joey, especially after Chandler had recently said similar things to Monica. Joey shook his head and pulled away when Chandler tried to hold him. "Maybe we should have just stayed friends." He got up and ran into his bedroom.  
  
"Joey!" Chandler followed him but was too late. "Joey!" he leaned on the locked door and knocked urgently. "Joey, please."  
  
No answer.  
  
"How--how do I make it up to you? What do I say? I didn't know what you really meant to me. I thought we were the crush and she was--" He sank miserably to the floor. "I was wrong, so very wrong. I'll do anything you want, Joe, anything. We can start fresh, huh? I'll move with you far away. I'll never mention her name again. I'll throw out anything she ever gave me. Just tell me what to do."  
  
Chandler grew more anxious with each passing second. "Why--why do you think I stayed home from her chef's trip, Joe? Why do you think I asked you for a bonus night without any real reason? I needed you. It was so long since you last kissed me or touched me. So what if she didn't find us out today? We didn't need her to find us, Joe! We don't--" He swallowed and sighed. "I mean, I've been dreaming about you lately. I even, I even realized that it was gonna be our anniversary soon. Ours, Joe. Do you remember? I would've known without her. I would've seen the truth myself. Please believe me. All she did was make it sooner instead of later."  
  
Still nothing.  
  
"Please," he begged. "Remember, remember the first night?"  
  
Joey finally answered, his voice strained, "You were, you were drunk then."  
  
"Not that drunk. Not half as drunk as I was when I kissed everybody at your birthday party. I kissed Ross then, and I've kissed guys in bars by mistake, but I never, never slept with one by mistake. We weren't," he shook his head, "we were never a mistake."  
  
They both thought back to that first night, years ago. Joey finally opened the door and let Chandler in. They kissed and held each other tight. 


	4. Flashback: The First Night

[Occurs after episode 415, where Chandler fakes moving to Yemen to get rid of Janice. Until episode 419, TOW All the Haste, Joey and Chandler have temporarily switched apartments with Monica and Rachel. Joey has Monica's former bedroom and Chandler has Rachel's.]  
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"Kathy was perfect, you know?" Chandler said as he finished off a beer and opened another one. He and Joey were each sitting in their brown leather recliners, discussing Chandler's failed romances. It felt great to be back in New York, instead of stuck in Yemen.  
  
"I mean," Chandler continued his monopoly on the conversation, "she was smart, and funny, and hot. Plus, she liked all the stuff I liked. It was uncanny. Sometimes I wasn't sure whether I should keep dating her, since she seemed like she was my lost twin or something." He laughed hysterically. "Maybe it was a good thing that we broke up."  
  
Joey smiled, remembering when he had dated Kathy. "She could do you, too, man. Sometimes when we rehearsed lines, she'd imitate how you talk. It was so cool."  
  
"You had her imitating me? Not in bed, I hope." He cracked up, feeling silly. "I mean, if you have the hots for me, why not just cut out the middle-man and jump me, you know?"  
  
Joey blinked and suddenly stopped laughing with him.  
  
Chandler realized that Joey might be offended by the joke. "I was--I was just kidding. I know you don't--"  
  
Joey put down his beer and pulled Chandler close, planting a kiss right on his mouth. It wasn't even an innocent peck like at New Year's; Joey rammed his tongue down Chandler's throat and took his breath away.  
  
Chandler was shocked, and didn't quite believe his senses. Then Joey moved from his leather recliner and onto Chandler's, still kissing him all the while.  
  
Maybe Chandler just hadn't been kissed for so long, but this felt really good. His tongue eagerly responded to Joey's.  
  
"Joe," he sighed when Joey let go of his mouth for a moment. "Oh, Joe."  
  
They made out on the recliner for what seemed like hours, but was only several minutes. Chandler could feel a bulge developing in Joey's pants. To his amazement, Chandler realized that he too was becoming aroused.  
  
"Chandler," Joey moaned, kissing Chandler's throat and unbuttoning his shirt.  
  
"Joe," he swallowed. "M-maybe we should stop."  
  
"Why?" Joey asked. He nibbled down Chandler's chest and sucked on his left nipple.  
  
Chandler tried to focus on forming words. "'Cause I'm not a girl. Neither of us are girls."  
  
"I know." Joey delved into Chandler's pants with one of his hands.  
  
Chandler moaned and felt faint.  
  
"Leather gets sticky," Joey spoke from experience. "Let's go to bed."  
  
Chandler nodded and let Joey pull him to his bedroom. One part of his brain couldn't believe he was going along with this, while the other part of his brain said, "Shut up! You're gonna have sex!"  
  
What kind of sex? Well, he'd soon find out, with the rate that Joey was stripping off their clothes.  
  
"Chandler?" Joey asked as they now lay naked on the bed. "You're not too drunk, are you? I don't want you to just lie there."  
  
"Wh-what should I do?" He hoped that Joey wasn't gonna ask him for a blowjob, or anything else he had no idea how to do.  
  
"Well, well I guess we could jerk each other off."  
  
That didn't sound too scary. "Okay."  
  
So they did that, and made an impressive mess in Joey's sheets. Joey crawled on top of Chandler and kissed him. "You like me," he grinned.  
  
Chandler blushed a little. "Yeah, um, I guess I do." He shrugged and chuckled nervously, "It's, uh, it's never that much fun when I'm by myself."  
  
Joey kept smiling at him and watching his eyes wordlessly. Then he said, "Kiss me some more."  
  
They made out until they were both aroused and ready to go again. Chandler wondered whether he ought to just give in and spread his legs for Joey, whose erection was already pressing hard against him. Was Chandler really that gay, that he'd let Joey do that to him? Or was he just this drunk?  
  
Joey took things slowly, still kissing and caressing Chandler all over his body with surprising patience. Surely if Chandler was a girl, he'd never wait this long.  
  
"God, Joey," he trembled. "Just do it."  
  
"Do what?" Joey chewed on Chandler's nipple again.  
  
Did he have to say it? "I know you want to. I can feel you..." He swallowed and didn't finish the sentence.  
  
Joey looked up and stared at Chandler's face. "Are you really that drunk, Chandler?"  
  
Either that, or gay. Or both.  
  
Joey frowned and shook his head. "No, I don't think you really want to do it."  
  
Chandler stammered, "Does, does it matter?"  
  
"Of course it matters. What, do you think I just go jumping people without their permission?"  
  
"You--you kissed me," he pointed out.  
  
Joey shrugged. "Yeah, but kissing you is one thing. Fucking you--" He saw Chandler wince when he said that. Clearly, he was not comfortable with the words, let alone the idea. "Chandler, come on. You were giving me signs--ambiguous, but still signs--when I kissed you. Anyway, you kissed me back."  
  
"Yeah, but," Chandler asked, "are we, are we just gonna jerk off all night?"  
  
"Sure." Joey kissed him reassuringly. "Anything you want."  
  
He remained skeptical and groaned. "Joey, just get it over with!"  
  
Joey didn't like Chandler's attitude. "Hey, when I fuck you, Chandler, you are not gonna say 'get it over with', you are gonna beg for it to last all night!"  
  
Chandler gulped, and looked afraid.  
  
Regretting his hasty words, Joey kissed him and rubbed his arms to stop his trembling. "It's okay, it's okay, Chandler. I'm not gonna do it tonight. I'm never gonna do it when you don't want to, you know?"  
  
Chandler blinked and stammered, "R-really?"  
  
"Yes! I want you to be sober and to really want it. Come on, don't think it's just expected and that you have to go along."  
  
Chandler absorbed that in silence and finally calmed down.  
  
Joey smiled and hugged him close.  
  
Chandler asked softly, "So, so what happens tonight?"  
  
Joey shrugged and kissed him again. "Jerking off separately was good. How about together?" He reached and grabbed both of them in one hand, catching Chandler off guard, but clearly pleasing him too.  
  
The guys kept experimenting that night until they exhausted themselves, and left many wet spots in the sheets. Then they lay back and slept close to one another in one of the few dry regions of the bed. It was warm and strangely peaceful. Joey never curled up much with his one-night stands, but Chandler was different, and Joey did not intend for this to last for only one night.  
  
***  
  
When Chandler woke up in the morning, he stared around the room and realized something. Yes, he had just slept with a guy, but something else too. He started to chuckle.  
  
Joey woke up with a yawn and turned around.  
  
Chandler couldn't stop laughing. "I'm--I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be so loud."  
  
Joey shrugged and pulled Chandler close for a kiss. "What's so funny?"  
  
"It's just, um, this is Monica's old room, right?"  
  
"Uh-uh."  
  
"And remember, we won their mattresses in that other bet, right?"  
  
"Yeah." He was still waiting for a punchline.  
  
"So we're actually in Monica's bed! We did it in Monica's bed!"  
  
Joey didn't see what was so funny. Sometimes Chandler's jokes just went over his head.  
  
"It's just," Chandler tried to explain, "it's just, I've always wanted to wake up in Monica's bed, and now I have, but with you!"  
  
Joey shrugged. "You should be glad it's me, 'cause Monica would never have let you ruin these sheets like this."  
  
"Yeah, but with Monica, I wouldn't have to, because--"  
  
"Chandler," Joey looked impatient.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Let's do it again." He kissed Chandler and pounced on him, replacing his laughter with passionate moans. 


	5. Present Time: Trust

Joey lay in his bed with Chandler, staring at him in the darkness and stroking his naked body. Loving Chandler again was easy; Joey had been talked into it several times already. The hard part was forgetting the fact that he'd been repeatedly used and set aside, while Chandler pursued and married Monica. Joey was first in his bed, but always second in his heart.  
  
"I--I want to trust you," Joey said.  
  
"And I want to earn your trust," Chandler answered, nuzzling against him. "I'll do whatever it takes."  
  
Joey pulled back and looked away. "But I don't know what you can do."  
  
"Joe, I--" he caught himself. "If you don't want me to say I love you, what should I say?"  
  
Joey shrugged and didn't know. He frowned miserably, "You were even talking about her on our first morning together."  
  
Chandler nodded and was filled with lonely remorse. "Do you, do you want me to still live here, or should I go somewhere else? I could find a hotel or something."  
  
"No!" Joey said. "No, you just got here! You *just* came home!"  
  
Chandler hugged him close. "And I want to stay. I want to be here and make you happy. I never want to hurt you anymore."  
  
Joey returned the embrace, but said nothing.  
  
Chandler kissed his cheek and murmured sadly, "I know that we can't just pretend that the last few years never happened. But I'll make it up to you, if you'll let me. Oh Joe, I'll be as good to you as you always were to me."  
  
Joey sighed, and then noticed the time. "Everybody's coming over," he spoke dejectedly. Chandler and Monica had arranged to explain the divorce to the gang tonight, at Monica's place.  
  
Chandler caressed Joey's face and said, "I'll go tell Monica we're not coming. We have to work this out." He kissed Joey and shrugged. "I don't care what she tells them about us." He got dressed and hurried across the hall.  
  
***  
  
"Monica?" he put his head in the door. "Joey and I can't be here."  
  
"What?!" she looked up from putting out coffee mugs.  
  
"I'm sorry, something's come up. We--"  
  
"If you're just going to have sex with him, you can do it on your own time!"  
  
"No, that's not it!" he insisted. "Monica, I know it sounds like I'm being a jerk, but that's not what I'm doing. Even if you don't believe me, just think about how sorry Joey was when you caught us together. He even offered to move away for your sake! Would *he* blow off this meeting?"  
  
Monica thought about it, but before she could reply, Chandler repeated, "I'm sorry, I've got to go. We'll explain it to you later. Bye!"  
  
"Chandler!" she fumed with rage.  
  
In the hallway, Ross, Phoebe, and Rachel were coming upstairs when they saw Chandler running out.  
  
He looked embarrassed and said, "Um, hi. Look, Monica will tell you the long version, but the short version is this: I'm a bastard. The end. Bye." He went back into Joey's apartment and locked the door.  
  
The gang stared after him blankly, and Ross wondered aloud, "Are we in the Twilight Zone?"  
  
In her doorway, Monica sighed and beckoned them all to come in.  
  
***  
  
"And then, just when I think he's acting like a decent human being again, he comes over at the last minute and blows off this meeting," Monica concluded. "God, why did I ever love him?!"  
  
"Oh, Monica!" Phoebe hushed her and let Monica cry on her shoulder.  
  
Ross and Rachel came over and made it a group hug, before sitting back on their respective chairs. Phoebe still held onto Monica.  
  
Rachel scowled at Ross. "Men!"  
  
"Hey!" he defended himself. "I never did anything like this. Carol did stuff like this to me, only not as bad. I'm on my sister's side."  
  
Rachel grudgingly apologized, "You're right, I'm sorry. It's just, I feel like yelling at somebody, *who apparently was too chicken to show up!*" She loudly directed that last part toward the apartment across the hall.  
  
Ross shook his head with guilt. "I can't believe I misjudged the guy like this. I mean, he was my college roommate, and I even gave him that 'big brother' speech about never hurting my sister."  
  
"It was my fault!" Phoebe said furiously. "I should have caught him before, in Vegas! Ooh, if I had known, I'd have kicked his ass!"  
  
Rachel and Ross were surprised, and somewhat frightened, by her vehemence. Clearly there was still a lot of street Phoebe in their friend even now.  
  
"And God, Joey!" Rachel shook her head. "Can you believe he'd do that?"  
  
"I know!" Ross answered. "Joey's not exactly a gentleman when it comes to his dates, but I thought he treated his friends better than this."  
  
Monica spoke up through her tears, "No, he was sorry." She remembered his remorse and guilt from this morning. "Joey was really sorry. I think Chandler talked him into everything with some 'we're not serious, so we're not really hurting her' line."  
  
"But still--" Ross thought Joey ought to have some of the blame.  
  
Monica shook her head sadly.  
  
So they moved on to other topics, such as how Monica could possibly keep living across the hall from her soon-to-be ex-husband.  
  
Monica raised her head from Phoebe's shoulder. "Pheebs, I was gonna ask you--can I, can I move in with you? At least for a while?"  
  
"Yes, honey, of course!" Phoebe hugged her close again. "You stay as long as you need."  
  
"Thank you," Monica clung to her. "And I promise I'll try not to drive you crazy with my compulsive cleaning."  
  
"Oh honey, if it makes you feel better, you can clean everything except for my grandmother's ashes."  
  
Ross and Rachel smiled and said "Aw" at this, but they privately wondered just how long Phoebe would be able to stand living with Monica. She had moved out from this very apartment because of Monica's freakish neatness. Still, this was the time for friends to make sacrifices for each other.  
  
***  
  
Chandler lay in Joey's bed again, just holding onto him and saying nothing in the darkness.  
  
Joey sighed and stared at the wall, "What are they saying over there?"  
  
"I don't know." Chandler shrugged and stroked the hair back from Joey's eyes. "If they knew anything, they'd say 'Chandler was a tremendous idiot to ever leave Joey in the first place. He better realize how lucky he is to get such a great guy back, and he better not lose him now, for anything.'"  
  
With a half smile, Joey lay his head on Chandler's shoulder and closed his eyes.  
  
"Tell me you can forgive me someday," Chandler whispered. "If not now, then someday."  
  
Joey nodded. "Someday." 


	6. Flashback: Fooling Around

After his first night and morning with Joey, Chandler hurriedly showered and got ready for work. "Damn, I'm late."  
  
Joey caught him at the door, and kissed him. "Don't work late tonight."  
  
Chandler looked surprised and bewildered. "I-I'll try not to."  
  
"Well, call if they make you stay late. Okay?"  
  
"O-kay." Chandler blinked at him and suddenly forgot all about running late. He asked hesitantly, "Are we, are we doing it again tonight?"  
  
"Sure, if we can get the gang not to stick around here too long." Then he frowned. "What, you don't want to?"  
  
Chandler shrugged. "I-I don't know. I guess I thought it was gonna be one drunken night and that's it. Like when people experiment in college."  
  
"Oh. I never went to college."  
  
"Yeah, that's right. I-I forgot."  
  
Joey shrugged dismissively. "I guess I thought-- You know, this morning when you weren't drunk..."  
  
Chandler nodded. "Yeah, I know."  
  
"Never mind." Joey backed away and cleared his throat. "Well, I'll see ya."  
  
After Chandler left, Joey stood there embarrassed and wondered why he had acted like that. Like some kind of housewife. What was he thinking?  
  
***  
  
At work, Chandler kept thinking about Joey, and everything they had done, drunk and sober. He had to admit that it all felt really good, and it wasn't like Chandler was getting any since his breakup with Kathy. The only woman that was hot for him lately was Janice, whom Chandler had got away from with his lie about Yemen.  
  
So really, if he wasn't getting any sex with girls, what harm would there be to keep fooling around, if Joey was willing? Hmm, why was he willing?  
  
Chandler wondered exactly why Joey had kissed him in the first place, because Joey really didn't seem that drunk last night. Maybe it was boredom or curiosity that made him take Chandler up on his joke about jumping him. Or maybe he was taking pity on Chandler, his pathetic roommate who never got many dates and who spent all evening talking about his failed relationships.  
  
Did Chandler really want pity sex? One part of his brain said that pity sex was better than no sex. But another part of his brain protested, "It's not just pity sex! It's gay sex! What are you, still drunk?"  
  
Chandler remained conflicted about the issue all day, but when he came home from work and saw Joey there, he decided to take a risk. "Hi," he said shyly.  
  
Joey didn't meet his eyes, still embarrassed about this morning.  
  
Chandler sat down with him. "Um, Joe, I was thinking... Let's, let's do it tonight."  
  
Joey looked up with surprise. "You mean, have sex?"  
  
"Yeah, um," he shrugged. "You were right, it was so much fun. I kept thinking about it today, and I want to do it again if you want to."  
  
Joey smiled, but then frowned. "Oh, Chandler, I'm sorry. I-I got a date tonight."  
  
Chandler sat back and blushed uncomfortably. "Oh, um, um--"  
  
Joey pulled him near and kissed him. "It's okay, it's just a date. If you want to wait until tomorrow night, we could do it. Or, or you know, I could just break the date."  
  
Chandler was flattered and smiled idiotically. "You'd--you'd break a date for me?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
Chandler kissed him back, getting turned on. "God, let's do it now!"  
  
Joey laughed. "Wait, wait! The gang's coming over, you know?"  
  
"Oh, yeah."  
  
"Plus, I got to go break my date."  
  
"Right, right."  
  
Joey kissed him again. "So I'll see you tonight."  
  
Chandler nodded. "Tonight."  
  
Joey walked away happy. He'd only gone out and got the date because of that incident at the door this morning. Maybe he still ought to date a girl anyway, just so he didn't act too weird and clingy with Chandler, but right now he was just excited about being with Chandler while he was sober and not in a hurry.  
  
***  
  
Their friends come over that evening, and it felt weird to hang out with them and act as if nothing had happened last night. As if nothing was going to happen after they left. Joey kept glancing at Chandler with a fond, knowing smile while the gang talked, and Chandler wondered why no one else noticed it.  
  
When everyone finally headed home, Joey locked the door and sighed in relief. "At last!" With a laugh, he pulled Chandler close and gave him a staggering kiss. "How you doin'?" he whispered with a smile.  
  
"Great." Chandler smiled back. "Just great."  
  
They made out for a while, before heading for Joey's bedroom. Laughing a little, they quickly got naked and into bed again.  
  
Joey lay Chandler down and covered him with kisses. "Oh, it's gonna be so much better now," he sighed.  
  
"Better?"  
  
He nodded. "Yeah, last night you were drunk and had that weird daze going. It'll be better now that you're sober and you're feeling everything." He chuckled. "Plus, now I already know some of the things you like, and I can start from there."  
  
Joey was right; it was better than last night. Chandler was aware of every sensation and every detail, including whose bed they were in.  
  
***  
  
The guys kept sleeping together and still didn't tell their friends about it. The secrecy made it feel all the more naughty and fun. Chandler often joked in private that they were "sex buddies."  
  
One night as they lay there in the darkness, Chandler sighed and became thoughtful. "Do you think Monica's hot, Joey?"  
  
"Monica? Sure. So are Phoebe and Rachel."  
  
"Yeah, but Monica is..."  
  
"What?"  
  
Chandler shrugged. "Come on, you tried to sleep with her when you first moved in. You even got naked in her living room."  
  
"Sure." He didn't see any big deal in that.  
  
Chandler smiled and remembered their trip to the beach. "The closest I came was peeing on her jellyfish sting. I guess it wasn't meant to be." He laughed and went to sleep. 


	7. Present Time: Unrequited Love

Ross, Rachel, and Phoebe helped Monica pack some stuff and move out of the apartment, at least temporarily, so that she could get away from Chandler and Joey across the hall.  
  
"Wait, Pheebs," Rachel said, "after the fire, didn't they fix your apartment so that it only has one bedroom now?"  
  
"Oh that's right," Monica said. "Will you have enough room for me?"  
  
"Of course! What, you wanna live with Ross and Rachel with their baby?"  
  
Rachel offered, "Oh, but we could make room. Emma would love to see her Aunt Monica more often, and you love babysitting her, right?"  
  
"Yeah, but--"  
  
No one noticed Phoebe waiting tensely for Monica to finish the sentence.  
  
Monica sighed, "No offense, Ross, but I've had enough of living with you. You're my brother and you're being a big help and all, but I still couldn't take it."  
  
Ross nodded. He was still trying to make things work with Rachel anyway, and didn't need a crowded apartment. All their on-again, off-again history inevitably made any reunion seem temporary by default. They still had to learn how to get through a real crisis without immediately jumping to a breakup.  
  
Monica turned to Phoebe. "But if you don't have room for me, I guess I could stay with my parents. --Oh, wait, I didn't tell them yet!" She bit her fingernails anxiously.  
  
"No, it's okay," Phoebe said. "It may be one bedroom, but it's twice as big, you know? We can put a second bed in there and everything will be fine."  
  
"Oh, right!" Monica was relieved and hugged her again. "Thanks, Phoebe! I really love you, you know?"  
  
"I-I love you," she answered, but something caught in her throat.  
  
Fortunately, Ross and Rachel murmured "I love you" too and joined the hug.  
  
***  
  
Ross and Rachel helped drop off Monica's bags at Phoebe's place, before they had to get home to Emma, who was with the nanny. "Bye, Mon! Bye Pheebs!"  
  
Left alone, Phoebe and Monica unpacked the stuff, then changed into pajamas for the night.  
  
As she looked in the closets, Monica asked, "You don't already have a fold-away bed or something?"  
  
"Oh, um, no. I'm sorry, I forgot. I-I don't get a lot of overnight guests who aren't boyfriends, you know?"  
  
"That's okay," Monica answered. "We can go to a store and get a bed tomorrow. I'll sleep on the couch for tonight."  
  
"Yeah, okay."  
  
"It's not a sofa-bed, is it?"  
  
"No."  
  
Monica shrugged as she checked out the couch. "It looks roomy enough anyway." She started to get sheets and pillows out.  
  
Phoebe offered, "You know, you can have my bed if you want. I can take the couch."  
  
"No, I don't want to put you out more than I already am."  
  
"No, really, I don't mind." She thought about what that would be like, having Monica sleep in her bed, and having it still smell like her the next night.  
  
Monica still shook her head, though, so Phoebe gave up on that.  
  
Monica looked around the apartment, smiling. "This is a really nice place you've got, Pheebs."  
  
"Thank you."  
  
"It must be nice living alone, you know?"  
  
"Not always. It gets lonely sometimes."  
  
Monica thought she'd made a gaffe. "Oh, I'm sorry. Because your grandmother used to live here, right?"  
  
"No, Grandma still sort of lives with me." She pointed to the box on the mantelpiece that contained her grandmother's ashes. She shrugged. "No, um, I just meant that it'll be nice having one of my friends around here. Nobody comes over much, since we're always at your apartments or in Central Perk."  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry!" Monica felt guilty. "It's just, you don't live as close. We don't mean to make you feel left out."  
  
"Yeah, I know," she dismissed it. "It's my own choice that I never moved closer. I mean I do, I do like having my space."  
  
"Good. But you really don't mind me being here for a while?"  
  
"I really don't mind." She shrugged. "We'll, we'll be roommates again."  
  
"Yeah," Monica smiled and hugged her. "Roomies! It was really fun when we lived together. I know I drove you crazy, but you were great. It was nice, too, when you moved back in for a while, while your apartment got fixed."  
  
"Yeah it was great," Phoebe shrugged and tried to feign enthusiasm.  
  
Monica and Chandler had been living together at the time, and Phoebe had remained in their guest room even after they got engaged. It was torture, especially when she had to help Chandler get a ring and propose to Monica. But if it made Monica happy, she'd always go along. If only she'd known about Vegas, and the night before Chandler moved in! If only she had stayed awake and caught Chandler sneaking over to Joey's place the same night that he proposed!  
  
Suddenly Monica started crying again, thinking about Chandler.  
  
"Oh honey!" Phoebe held her closer.  
  
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" she apologized, but couldn't help sobbing and saying something about Chandler deceiving for her so long.  
  
Phoebe hushed her and did her best to comfort her without getting carried away. She stroked Monica's hair and kissed her head gently, always aware that she must stay like a friend, and only a friend.  
  
Monica continued, "And--and the fact that it was Joey! I mean, we always joke about Chandler being gay, but I never thought--I never thought he'd really sleep with a guy, any guy, and that I wouldn't know about it, or sense it, or something. How could I not know?"  
  
"Honey, it's just like Ross with Carol. They dated and were married for years before she came out as a lesbian. And then there were Chandler's parents, you know? People, people just surprise you, even if you think you know them."  
  
Monica groaned miserably. "And this has to happen *now*, when we were trying to have a baby? I'm gonna be single again and almost 40, and still not have a baby!"  
  
"Honey!" Phoebe winced and forced herself to say it, "Go, go back to Richard, then. Maybe he still loves you and wants to have kids. If not, I'll see if I still have Don's number. Remember Don, with the gourmet food, and the villa in France? I'll find you someone, I will!" God, this hurt!  
  
Monica responded angrily, "No, I'm sick of men! Wh-why do I have to wait for them all the time?! All I want is the baby! I'll get a sperm donor. I-I should've done it before."  
  
Phoebe gulped and said nothing. She was not gonna get her hopes up. Monica didn't mean any of this. She was just venting. Even if she meant it and did have a baby this way, it didn't change whether she was straight or not. Phoebe had learned to be realistic about how Monica felt about her.  
  
"Oh Pheebs," Monica sobbed in despair. "Why did this have to happen to me? Why?"  
  
Phoebe tried to find words, but could only come up with empty platitudes. Pulling Monica with her, she stood up and said, "Come, come with me."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I-I just want to show you something. It'll only take a minute." She took Monica into her bedroom and pointed up at the skylight. "See that?"  
  
Monica looked up, but didn't understand. "You have a skylight."  
  
"Yeah, but that's not all. Come here, sit for a second. You can see it from the bed." Monica sat down while Phoebe went over and turned out the light in the room.  
  
Monica wasn't sure what was going on.  
  
Phoebe pointed at the skylight. "Can you see the stars now? They're kind of faint, because we're in the city."  
  
Monica looked up and saw the glowing skylight. "Oh yeah. I see now."  
  
Phoebe sat gingerly on the very edge of the bed. "That's why I moved my bed to this spot, so I could see that every night and morning. I-I think about it as a window up to heaven, you know?"  
  
Monica started to smile. "Yeah, yeah, it's beautiful. Thank you, Phoebe."  
  
Phoebe nodded and continued, "And it's not just heaven, it's like the whole universe and destiny and everything. And, um, if you try, you can see the faces of people you love, who, who can't be with you."  
  
"You mean like my Nana, who passed away?"  
  
"Yeah, and um, I can even sense her spirit here right now."  
  
"Really?" Monica knew that Phoebe might just be humoring her a little, but it was still nice.  
  
Phoebe nodded. "And you know what she's saying to you now? She's saying that whatever crap happens to you on earth, you will always, always be loved."  
  
Touched, Monica finally stopped staring at the skylight. She turned to her friend and hugged her tight. "Aw, Pheebs, thank you. I-I forgot what a good friend you are. Thank you so much. For letting me stay here, for the skylight, for--for everything."  
  
"I'm always here for you," Phoebe answered quietly, then firmly bit her lip against saying anything else.  
  
When Monica finally said goodnight and left the room, Phoebe just watched her go and stayed in the bed, with her hand caressing the spot on the mattress where Monica had sat. 


	8. Flashback: An Open Relationship

In bed, Joey asked Chandler if he'd mind it if Joey still went out on dates with girls.  
  
Chandler blinked and glanced at him questioningly. "Wh-what are we, a couple now?"  
  
"No," Joey shook his head, "I meant--I meant that it means I have less time to be your sex buddy, that's all."  
  
"Oh," Chandler smiled and shrugged. "Nah, I'm okay. I'm used to being alone at night. You go on, have your fun. I mean, as long as you're still using protection with them."  
  
"Of course! Always. I don't want to get anybody pregnant."  
  
Chandler laughed, "Or become a poster boy for VD again!"  
  
Joey pouted and just said, "It's okay if you date girls, too."  
  
Chandler looked vexed and rolled his eyes. "I never stopped *trying* to get dates, Joey!"  
  
"Oh, I didn't know. It's just, you've been with me all these nights."  
  
"Yes, but unlike you, the rest of us don't snag a girl every time we try." He lay back and sighed. "I really miss girls, you know?"  
  
"Yeah?" Joey leaned nearer to listen.  
  
Chandler nodded. Contrary to many people's assumptions about him, he was not gay. Not completely. Now that he'd been with Joey, Chandler had decided that he must be bisexual, with a stronger desire for women. But in a pinch, Joey would do.  
  
Chandler confided to his buddy, "I mean, we have fun, Joe, but it's not the same as being with a girl. They're so soft and pretty and great in bed."  
  
"I know," Joey agreed.  
  
"Yeah, you know!" Chandler laughed. "You're so lucky to get so many hot girls, Joe. I wish I could get half as many. I wish--" he sighed wistfully. "Even one would do. Just a girlfriend again, like Janice or Kathy. You wouldn't know about it, Joe, but it's really nice when you're in love."  
  
Joey shrugged. "I was in love once."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Yeah, remember Kate Miller?"  
  
"Oh," Chandler remembered now. "The complicated one. The actress who hated you one minute and loved you the next. You know, you really surprised me there, Joe. You don't usually go for smart, deep girls. Maybe you're maturing."  
  
"Maybe."  
  
"If she hadn't moved to L.A. for that job, do you think you'd still be with her now?"  
  
"Maybe."  
  
"Maybe, maybe, maybe!" Chandler teased.  
  
"Talk, talk, talk!" Joey finally hushed him with a kiss, and pulled him close again.  
  
Chandler breathlessly realized that Joey was in the mood for sex, and he cheerfully went along.  
  
***  
  
So Joey went back to dating women. He actually liked being with Chandler more, because he was so different from the women he'd been with, but Joey had noticed a tendency of his to start acting like a housewife again, asking Chandler when he'd be home and lying awake at night watching Chandler sleep. Being with women would make him feel more like his usual self. He'd be macho and strong instead of clingy and sentimental.  
  
Still, when Joey was done having sex with some hot date, he'd often lie there staring at wall between their rooms. He missed sleeping with Chandler. Not just the sex, but the sleeping next to him. He also missed waking up together and sometimes having a morning make-out session, if not more.  
  
It was silly to feel this way. Joey still slept with Chandler, just not on the nights that either of them had a date.  
  
One night, after his date fell asleep, Joey went to Chandler's bedroom and woke him up.  
  
"J-Joe?"  
  
"You wanna do it?"  
  
"Now?" Chandler frowned. "What about your date?"  
  
"She's asleep."  
  
"But won't she--?"  
  
Joey cut off further argument with a kiss. He loved kissing Chandler. He could kiss him all day, and it wouldn't even matter if they had sex or not.  
  
As they made out and started getting naked, Joey's date suddenly burst into the room, furious.  
  
"I knew I heard something! Joey, do you have another girl in here?"  
  
"No," he said truthfully, while Chandler tried to hide under the covers.  
  
She saw the movement. "You told me your roommate was a guy!" she continued, coming further into the room and pulling the covers off. She gasped. "It is a guy!"  
  
"Yep!" Joey didn't care in the least what she thought.  
  
"Ohhhh!" she ran out, offended, and quickly got dressed. They heard her bang out of the apartment pretty fast.  
  
"Joey, I'm so sorry--" Chandler began.  
  
"What for? It just saves me the trouble of breaking up with her in the morning."  
  
Chandler realized how true that was and laughed. Joey just kissed him again and made love to him. It was the first time that they'd slept together in Chandler's room, and Chandler didn't even mind not being in Monica's bed anymore. Joey was good in any bed.  
  
***  
  
After Monica and Rachel switched the apartments back, Joey and Chandler got used to their old rooms again and settled into a comfortable routine. Unless Chandler managed to come home with a date, Joey would always sleep him, in whichever bed was convenient. Even if Joey had his own date, he would wait until she fell asleep, and then come into Chandler's room like before.  
  
Chandler was amused and flattered by Joey's constant craving for him. "You really are a slut, aren't you, Joe? All those girls you get, and you still want more from me."  
  
Joey shrugged. "Girls are fun once, maybe. You're fun all the time."  
  
Chandler smiled and joked, "If you like me so much, you should let me roll you over and screw you."  
  
"Okay."  
  
Chandler blinked. "Wh-what?"  
  
Joey nodded. "You know how to do it doggie style, right?"  
  
Chandler was too stunned for words.  
  
Joey kissed him and explained with a shrug, "It's like you said. I'm really a slut, you know?"  
  
"I-I guess."  
  
Joey had to make Chandler snap out of his astounded daze before they could get to having any sex that night.  
  
***  
  
Some nights Joey's date would sleep through the noisy activities in the next bedroom, and some nights the girl would wake up and discover them, usually being shocked and storming out of the apartment. But occasionally, just occasionally, the girl who discovered them together would be actually be turned on, and would be bold enough to suggest a threesome. Chandler found this shocking at first, but still very stimulating.  
  
"Wow," Chandler remarked to Joey after the first time it happened. "I-I guess Chloe from the Xerox place wasn't our last chance to have a threesome."  
  
Joey shrugged and curled up close to Chandler, trying to hide the jealousy he felt about Chandler enjoying the girl so much. He was starting to realize that he was falling in love with Chandler. If only Chandler would show some sign of feeling the same way! Joey wished he could say something, without sounding like some clinging housewife. He didn't want to just be sex buddies anymore. He didn't want to just be fun.  
  
When Joey tried to cut back on dating, Chandler immediately noticed.  
  
"Joe, you're not getting any girls lately. What's the matter?"  
  
He shrugged. "I, um, I thought I'd take a break from them. Between you and them, I'm worn out."  
  
"Aw, Joe, why didn't you say so? You don't have to sleep with me so much. I may be your pathetic roommate who rarely ever has a date, but that doesn't mean you have to take pity on me every night and spoil your fun."  
  
Joey sighed and frowned. "It's--it's just more fun with you."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Yeah, I-I like you. I even let you f--" He saw Chandler wince at the word, so he used the euphemism that Chandler liked, "--Bing me."  
  
Chandler still shook his head. "Yeah, but Joey, you *must* miss the girls."  
  
"I've had girls. After a while, they're all the same."  
  
Chandler looked incredulous, and somewhat resentful. "That's just because you've had so many of them! Fine, Joe, you get your rest for a while, but then go on and get some hot dates. I'll worry about you if all you have is me."  
  
Joey gave up. He hoped that Chandler would see them as a couple someday. He hoped that, given enough time, Chandler would stop moaning about missing girls or confiding his secret crush on Monica, and just look at Joey differently.  
  
***  
  
One night, Joey came into Chandler's room again and crawled into the bed. He kissed Chandler awake and in the meantime, slid off his boxers.  
  
"Joe?" He blinked sleepily. "Come on, you had plenty of fun with that girl already. Don't wear yourself out."  
  
"No, I want you." He pulled off Chandler's shirt as well. "Come on, wake up."  
  
Chandler sighed. "All right, all right."  
  
Joey kissed him. "You wanna Bing me?"  
  
Chandler laughed, then shrugged. "Nah, maybe... maybe, you do me this time."  
  
"Really?" Joey asked. "It's--it's not just cause you're too tired?"  
  
"No," Chandler shook his head. "I think I have to be awake for this, you know, since it's the first time." He smiled and remembered their first night together. "Come on, Joe, I want it all night."  
  
Joey happily kissed him and got the condoms and lubricant from the night-stand.  
  
As he made love to Chandler, Joey whispered, "You really like me, huh?"  
  
"Yeah," he answered softly, his eyes closed.  
  
"Tell me how much you like me, Chandler."  
  
"Joey, look at what I'm letting you do to me!"  
  
"Tell me." He needed to hear that he was loved.  
  
Chandler shrugged. "We're friends, we're sleeping together, we're--Ohhh!"  
  
Joey paused and prompted, "Chandler?"  
  
He sighed and opened his eyes again. "Joe... you know I wouldn't let another guy do this, right?"  
  
"Right." Joey settled for that and resumed his lovemaking.  
  
In this aspect, at least, they were faithful to each other. Chandler was the only guy for him, and vice versa. 


	9. Present Time: Hopelessly Devoted

Phoebe came over to Joey and Chandler's apartment and banged on the door. No one answered, so she tried the door, and found it unlocked. She stormed in and shouted, "Joey Francis Tribbiani!"  
  
Joey reluctantly came out of Chandler's bedroom. Chandler had given Joey some space by sleeping apart from him last night, but he had already gone and left for work now. Joey had been just lying there in his bed and remembering the happier moments of their relationship. The happiness was too often bittersweet.  
  
As soon as she saw Joey, she yelled, "There you are!" and hit him.  
  
Joey pulled back. "Whoa, Pheebs, I know why you're mad at me and Chandler, but--"  
  
"Shut up!" she violently knocked over a stool and was near tears. "You, you--! How could you not tell me? Once a month we always get together and discuss the others, and you never told me this! You never said you were screwing him."  
  
"I wasn't just screwing him, I loved him!" He wanted to be angry with her, but then he saw her crying and couldn't understand why she was this upset about not being trusted with the secret. "I couldn't tell you, Pheebs, or anybody! He always wanted to go back to her in the morning, and he made me promise never to tell Monica and hurt her."  
  
"Hurt her? You crossed that line when you cheated on her! God, I can't believe you. If you couldn't tell Monica, you could at least tell me!"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because I love her!"  
  
"What?!" He was shocked.  
  
She finally calmed somewhat when she realized that she'd kept an important secret from Joey too. "That's--that's right," she nodded sadly. "You're not the only one to fall for your roommate. That's why I moved out."  
  
"I thought you moved out because you couldn't take her obsessive cleaning."  
  
"That was just my excuse. No, I asked my grandma if I could live with her so I could get away from my feelings. If Monica--if she could ever love me, I wanted it to happen because she really wanted me, not because we were roommates and convenient."  
  
Joey thought about that and frowned. "I should have done that with Chandler, I guess."  
  
She shrugged. "It doesn't matter, because I've just let her move back in with me." She shook her head and slumped onto a chair. "I'm just, I'm so pathetic."  
  
Joey sat down with her and hugged her. They were silent for a while.  
  
Joey finally said, "What's wrong with us? Why do we love the ones we can't have?"  
  
"I don't know." She sighed and looked frustrated. "If you had just freaking told me about Vegas, I would have broken it to Monica and she could have dumped Chandler then, and there never would have been a wedding, and we'd never have to stand there and watch them make vows to each other."  
  
"That wouldn't mean that they'd be with us instead."  
  
"I know, but that's not the point. I can't let somebody hurt her like that."  
  
"With Chandler, it's always about the hurt. You'd think I'd learn. Why couldn't I just say no to him? Why couldn't I let go? I should have moved away when he moved across the hall. I should have left and not come back."  
  
"You mean that?"  
  
He shrugged. "I don't know. Being with him now... But what if it doesn't last, you know? What if he leaves me again for her or somebody else? He's always saying he'll change, and he doesn't. How can I go through that again?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"I mean, I want to believe things can get better. I want him to love me, for real this time, but I think maybe it's just hopeless."  
  
"I know. But sometimes you have to hope anyway. Otherwise, what's the point of living?"  
  
They comforted each other for a while, confessing all that they had held back about their secret loves all these years. Finally Phoebe got up to go.  
  
She sighed and stopped at the door. "Joey, remember when we agreed to be each other's backup?"  
  
He nodded.  
  
"Maybe we should just forget about them and get together ourselves."  
  
Joey wasn't sure.  
  
"I know, I know. I'd still think about her every night too." She sighed heavily, then left and closed the door behind her.  
  
***  
  
Phoebe came home to find Monica looking through some donor profiles from a sperm bank. She wasn't even cleaning for once.  
  
"Mon?" she asked. "Are you really serious about having a baby now?"  
  
She nodded. "Yeah, um, part of me was wondering if I was doing it because I just wanted something to love right now, when my life is crap. But then I realized that I always wanted a baby even when I was happy, romantically speaking. I just, I think it's time to take control and just do it."  
  
"All right." Phoebe sat down with her and looked at all the donor profiles. "So where are your piles of no, maybe, acceptable, and why-can't-I-meet-a-guy-like-this?"  
  
Monica started to point each pile out, but then she stopped. "Oh wait, I can't have a baby right now! I don't know where I'm gonna live."  
  
"You're living with me."  
  
"That's just for now. I--I don't know if I can stand to live in my old apartment anymore, or even keep it after the divorce. How can I have a baby, when I don't know where I'm gonna raise it?"  
  
"You can, you can raise it here."  
  
"What? No, Pheebs, that's sweet, but I can't ask you to deal with a crying baby."  
  
"I don't mind. I really wouldn't. I'd like having a baby around. Remember when I had the triplets for Frank and Alice? I visit and babysit for them sometimes, but it's not the same as having my own baby, you know?"  
  
Monica nodded. "That's exactly how I feel about babysitting Emma, and Ben. Sometimes I think being just an aunt is the worst pain ever." She hugged Phoebe, and after a silence she said, "Maybe, maybe we should have a baby, you and me. You can be my Lamaze coach and we'll take care of the baby together."  
  
Phoebe burst into tears. She tried to say something sensible to cover for it, but she couldn't control her voice anymore.  
  
"Pheebs?" Monica tried to hug her, looking sorry.  
  
"Wh-what are you trying to do to me?" she sobbed. "You, you--" She moaned and hid her face. "I love you, Mon. I love you!"  
  
Monica turned Phoebe to face her and kissed her lips. "I know."  
  
She started to calm down, but remained wary. "You do?"  
  
Monica caressed her face and nodded. "I started to get the feeling last night, in your bedroom. I was scared at first, but then you were so nice, and you never even came onto me or got creepy. I, I did understand that you were telling me you loved me as more than just a friend, but I didn't want to say anything unless I was sure of what I felt in return. I mean, I'm just getting over Chandler and my feelings are all mixed up. I just had to go and think about it, you know?"  
  
Phoebe nodded. "And--and are you still thinking?"  
  
Monica sighed and looked tender. "No, because I realized something: the only way for me to know if I could really love a woman is to actually go sleep with one. I didn't know if I wanted to risk our friendship to find out, but just now, when you said you loved me, I felt, I felt--" She paused and took both of Phoebe's hands, squeezing them for strength. "I felt so close to you, and I-I'm not scared to go to bed with you. I'm not scared to try. Take me to your room, Phoebe, and let's find out if I could love a woman." 


	10. Flashback: London

[Includes an altered version of the hotel scene from episode 716, The Truth About London, and the plane scene from episode 501, The One After Ross says Rachel.]  
-  
-  
-  
-  
-  
Joey returned to his and Chandler's hotel room to fetch Chandler for a threesome. Joey would have actually preferred to be alone with Chandler for all the nights of this London trip--in fact, he'd like to be alone with him forever. But Chandler had seen the bridesmaid Felicity obviously flirting with Joey at the rehearsal dinner, and Joey knew that Chandler would think Joey was acting strangely if he didn't get the girl. Until Chandler returned Joey's love, Joey had to keep going along with Chandler's expectations, and not reveal his deeper feelings too soon. He knew perfectly well that Chandler was liable to panic when faced with love or commitment from anybody, let alone Joey.  
  
Anyway, Felicity had been turned on and intrigued by the idea of a threesome, so Joey had left her bathtub and dressed to go get Chandler. Joey hated having to share Chandler with anybody, but at least Joey could be with him tonight, and try his best to make Chandler moan more passionately with him, than with Felicity.  
  
When Joey opened the door, he heard some kind of commotion inside the room and when he peered inside, he saw Chandler sitting up in bed, obviously naked under the covers. Was he waiting for Joey?  
  
"Hey," Joey said softly. Had all his hopes come true? Was Chandler in love with him now? Was he inviting him to come in, forget about a threesome with the bridesmaid, and just be with him in a loving twosome?  
  
Chandler seemed nervous when he spoke, trying to be casual. "Hey Joe! I was just watching a movie." The TV wasn't on, though.  
  
Joey wanted to just crawl into bed with him and kiss him and make love to him all night.  
  
But Chandler shook his head at Joey's approach and pointed urgently to something in the bed as he mouthed, "I'm not alone."  
  
Joey stopped in his tracks and looked more carefully. There was an extra body in the bed beside Chandler, probably a girl, based on the scattered clothes on the floor. She was hiding under the covers, but it wasn't like she was invisible. Joey should have seen her right away, except that he had been caught up in Chandler.  
  
The disappointment was crushing. God, was he so deep in love with Chandler now that he'd naively believe that Chandler would just suddenly love him back? Joey wanted to run and hide somewhere, lest Chandler read the emotions in his face.  
  
Joey pulled back anxiously and turned away, as if he'd seen something inappropriate. "Oh, dude I'm so sorry!"  
  
Chandler misunderstood and protested, "No-no-no!"  
  
Still Joey tried to be casual and dismissive. "Hey no-no-no-no! It's cool! It's cool! I--I'll only be a second, I'm still with my bridesmaid. I just--Where are those condoms you brought?" Yeah, that was a good excuse so that he could leave here quickly.  
  
Chandler pointed to his bag.  
  
Joey retrieved the condoms from the bag, but then he got an idea. He was still jealous of Chandler being with anyone besides himself, especially alone, so Joey decided to take all the condoms away and prevent Chandler from having sex with that anonymous girl under the covers.  
  
Chandler saw Joey take all the condoms, though, and called out, "Uh, could you leave me one?"  
  
*Why, so you can do some girl and like her more than me?* But Joey bit his lip against saying that. It wouldn't help.  
  
Joey finally looked at him, and saw that Chandler was making frantic gestures, still pointing out his hidden date under the covers, just in case Joey had not properly seen or understood before.  
  
"For just you?" Joey asked, but he nodded to show that he understood Chandler. Joey spoke back to him with gestures and mouthed words. He held up three fingers to indicate a threesome, and then pointed toward the door, asking Chandler to come with him and have the threesome with the bridesmaid. If Chandler had to have any girl tonight, at least let Joey be with him too.  
  
Chandler shook his head and indicated that he'd rather stay with his date right here.  
  
So Joey held up four fingers and looked at Chandler questioningly.  
  
Chandler shook his head again and pointed to his date, mouthing "She's not that kind of girl." Then Chandler cleared his throat and spoke out loud, for the benefit of his date, who must be puzzled by the weird silence, "Please, Joe, the condom."  
  
Joey tried in desperation, "Why don't you come downstairs with me? There's some really nice girls down there--" What was so special about this damn girl under the covers?  
  
"No, I'm fine," Chandler stubbornly refused.  
  
Joey grudgingly tossed him a condom and left. He wasn't even in the mood for sex with the bridesmaid anymore, except to get back at Chandler somehow. Not that Chandler would care. Joey sometimes wished he didn't care either.  
  
***  
  
Two mornings later, during the flight from London to New York, Monica left for the bathroom at the back of the plane, so Joey took the seat next to Chandler and asked bitterly, "Did you have fun with your hot date?"  
  
Chandler sighed and whispered back, "You know the rules, Joe. You're just screwing around with girls, but I'm looking for a girlfriend. That's not compatible with you joining us."  
  
"A girlfriend?" Joey scoffed. "If you get a girlfriend in London, you'll be like Ross and Emily always complaining about being so far away all the time. What are you gonna do, go and marry her too?"  
  
"Joe, why are you so upset?"  
  
Why couldn't he tell? Joey shrugged and pouted, "I went through all that trouble to get the bridesmaid for you, and you didn't appreciate it."  
  
Chandler kept looking toward the bathroom where Monica had gone. "Come on, Joe, it's not like you didn't have fun with the bridesmaid by yourself."  
  
Damn him and his fun! What about love? Aching inside, Joey leaned close and whispered in Chandler's ear, "Kiss me."  
  
Chandler turned to him and blinked in shock.  
  
Joey sighed against his neck. "Make out with me until Monica comes back."  
  
He looked embarrassed and apologetic. "N-no, Joe, I can't."  
  
Joey looked hurt. "Why do you even care if anybody knows? Why are we still a secret?"  
  
"Joe, please, let's not talk about this now." He kept looking toward the bathroom.  
  
"Fine, don't talk. Just, just do me. When Monica comes back from the bathroom, meet me there..."  
  
Clearing his throat, Chandler blushed and didn't know quite what to say. The people sitting in the row behind them must be wildly entertained by this little soap opera. Chandler stammered, "No, um, no, I'm tired."  
  
"You can't be tired," Joey nuzzled him. "You weren't even with me last night."  
  
Chandler swallowed. "I-I was with my date."  
  
Joey frowned. "What, again?"  
  
He shrugged. "You were with your bridesmaid again."  
  
"Yeah, but you could have been with us. You could have been with me."  
  
Chandler began to gently push Joey back into his seat. "Still, Joe, I can't--I can't meet you in the bathroom or make out with you here."  
  
Joey frowned. "Why, are you ashamed of me?"  
  
"No!" Chandler shook his head. "No, we're just fooling around, so why bother telling anybody, and--" He sighed and gave up, "I-I don't know how to tell you this, Joe. God, I thought this could wait until we were home in our apartment."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Joe, I-I, um, I don't want to be sex buddies anymore."  
  
Joey stared at him in shock. "Wh-why?"  
  
He kept looking toward the bathroom. "I just, I think it's time for me to stop depending on you for sex. I mean, these last three months have been great, but I've got to get serious about finding a girlfriend, you know, so I don't end up alone."  
  
Joey looked away, hurt.  
  
"I'm sorry, Joe, I know that you've been having fun with me, but you're my best friend, and we shouldn't mess with our friendship anymore. I mean I did, I really did enjoy our gay experiment, a lot more than I thought I would, but--" he shrugged, "but it had to end someday, you know?"  
  
Joey was wounded and could find no words.  
  
Chandler was alarmed by Joey's hurt expression, and touched his hand. "Are you okay?"  
  
However, just then, Monica finally returned from the bathroom, looking irritated for some reason. Chandler tried to look appeasing, and Monica grudgingly took the seat on the other side of Joey. All three were in a bad mood for the rest of the flight. 


	11. Present Time: A New Love

Phoebe and Monica sat together on Phoebe's bed, looking into each other's eyes and still holding hands.  
  
"If--if this doesn't work," Phoebe asked her, "will you be uncomfortable being around me afterward?"  
  
"Oh, Pheebs," Monica squeezed her hands to reassure her, "you know I'd never want to lose you. I love you, no matter what happens. We'll be okay. We--we got over that weirdness after you massaged me, right?"  
  
Phoebe nodded, and laughed quietly. "Yeah, you and your sex noises." She shrugged and looked sad. "If only you weren't married to Chandler then, because I might have talked to you and told you how I feel."  
  
Monica sighed and nodded. "I wish--I wish I'd never married him."  
  
"So do I." She thought of Joey's confessions to her today. "So do a lot of people." Caressing Monica's cheek, Phoebe leaned close and lightly kissed her lips. "You are so beautiful."  
  
Monica blushed and smiled, then she and Phoebe started trading soft, shy kisses. Then Phoebe pulled her closer and coaxed her to get more passionate. Monica hesitated, but didn't pull away.  
  
"It just... it takes some getting used to," Monica said, then laughed a little. "Unlike Rachel, I didn't go making out with girlfriends at camp or at sororities."  
  
Phoebe smiled. "There's a first time for everything."  
  
When they started to caress each other's bodies and undress, Phoebe told Monica to think of it like a slow, relaxing massage, and said that she could reciprocate only what she wanted to. Monica nodded and remembered the way Phoebe's touch had made her feel before. Maybe she'd always secretly wanted Phoebe, because she never made sex noises with her other masseuse. She'd checked.  
  
As Phoebe had once commented to Richard, Monica had slept with a lot of guys. In high school, Monica had been rather innocent and would talk about "giving my flower" to somebody, much to Rachel's annoyance. Once Monica lost all the weight, and guys started hitting on her all the time, including Chandler, she had to learn how to sort the good guys from the jerks who only wanted sex. Rachel had helped Monica out, until they drifted apart after high school.  
  
On her own, Monica kept learning through trial and error, and Phoebe became her new confidante and best friend when she moved in. Too bad Monica had latched onto Rachel as her best friend all over again and let her move in so fast. Rachel was great, but Phoebe was definitely less selfish and had been with Monica through some hard times. Monica realized that she shouldn't have let the distance between their apartments create any emotional distance; Phoebe wasn't just a kooky friend, but a really sweet and loving person. Now Monica was finally learning how sexy and beautiful Phoebe was too.  
  
"Phoebe, oh, Phoebe... Oh! Oh!" Getting caught up in the passion, Monica noticed that she wasn't even picturing Chandler, or Richard, or any other guys. This was all Phoebe's doing. "Oh, Phoebe!" she groaned again. "You--you're the best sex I've ever had."  
  
Phoebe smiled proudly. "Next you'll be saying that you want to bear my children. Too bad we need a doctor and some sperm to do that, huh?"  
  
***  
  
Meanwhile, in Joey's apartment, he sat alone and thought about what Phoebe said before she left. Should he just give up on Chandler and get together with Phoebe? But when Joey seriously considered that idea, he shook his head. It would be too much like being with Chandler. Instead of listening to Chandler moan about Monica all the time, Joey would hear Phoebe moan about Monica all the time, and he certainly didn't need that.  
  
If not Phoebe, though, who else could Joey be happy with? Joey had tried to move on from Chandler before, knowing it would probably be a healthy thing to do, especially when it became clear that Chandler and Monica were staying together and were firmly on the path to marriage.  
  
Since he had been in love with Kate as well as Chandler, Joey didn't rule out women or men in his search, but he kept his gay dates a secret, lest his parents find out and react badly. Joey wanted to be sure before telling anybody that he was even looking for a serious relationship.  
  
Unfortunately, Joey never got emotionally attached to any man or woman like he was attached to Chandler. It was never a matter of which gender he dated, but a matter of his heart stubbornly yearning for Chandler, even after Joey had resigned himself to being just a friend.  
  
It was frustrating, and of course, when the bonus nights began, Joey's feelings about Chandler only became more messed up, and now he had all this guilt about Monica too. It was like Joey could never win. Eventually, he got that crush on Rachel, but was it just because she had become his roommate like Chandler had been? She was having a baby with Ross, and deep down Joey knew that her heart would inevitably stray back to Ross someday. In a way, Rachel was a safe, unavailable object for his affections, and Joey could at least admit to that crush in front of his friends, unlike his love for Chandler.  
  
If only Joey knew that Chandler would truly love him this time! Then he could be happy and have everything he'd wanted for years.  
  
***  
  
Carrying a bag of sandwiches, Chandler came home and saw Joey sitting there in the big black recliner and brooding.  
  
"Joe?" He came over to Joey and sat down on the foot rest. "Joe, I, um, I tried to remember the name of that deli that you liked so much. I think I found the right one." He took a sandwich from the bag and handed it to Joey. "Is this the one you said was the greatest sandwich in the world?"  
  
Joey sniffed and looked at the sandwich. "Yeah," he nodded and smiled a little. "Yeah, this is it." Chandler remembered.  
  
"Good." Chandler put down the bag on a table and pointed to the fridge. "You want me to get you a beer to go with that?"  
  
Joey shook his head. "No, put this back in the bag. I'm not hungry now."  
  
"Okay." Chandler did so, then shrugged. "I, um, I know that a bag of sandwiches isn't gonna fix everything. I just wanted to do something to cheer you up a little, you know?"  
  
Joey nodded. "Yeah, I know."  
  
They sat there in silence.  
  
Finally Chandler turned and reached for Joey. "Is it all right?"  
  
Joey nodded, and they hugged. Chandler said softly, "You, um, you were always the only guy for me. I mean, I never thought I'd want to be with a guy at all, but with you it was so easy and wonderful and amazing. I guess I was just scared to get that close, and then, um, when I slept with her in London, I thought, 'Wow, my crush actually wants me now, so it must be destiny or something.' You know?"  
  
"And what's your destiny now?" Joey asked.  
  
"You, I hope. Or are you not gonna stay with me after all? Are you, are you gonna leave me, Joe?"  
  
"I-I don't know," he said honestly.  
  
Chandler winced, and whispered, "Well, maybe you should." He shrugged and thought of the irony. "Maybe you should tell me it's over and go find some new lover and then come back and string me along for some bonus nights too."  
  
Joey shook his head and stroked Chandler's hair. Revenge might feel good, but it would be an awful thing for Joey to deliberately do to his new lover, whoever that might be. Could Joey even picture himself with a new lover, anyway?  
  
Chandler clung to him. "I just wish, I wish I could undo everything."  
  
Joey sighed and then raised Chandler's face to him. After looking in his eyes for a moment, Joey kissed him softly and said, "No more talking now. Just, just come to bed and we'll forget about it for a while. Okay?"  
  
"Okay."  
  
They went into Joey's bedroom for what they knew would only be a temporary solution. 


	12. Flashback: Finding Out

[This chapter takes place during the beginning of season five, especially episodes 501, 502, 505, and 509, when Chandler and Monica's relationship is still a secret.]  
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Phoebe greeted Monica, Chandler, and Joey when they returned from their trip to London.  
  
After hugs and chitchat, Joey made a quick excuse to return to his apartment. "All right, I'm gonna go say hi to the chick and the duck."  
  
"Oh, me too!" Phoebe said.  
  
Joey stopped her. "Why would you need to say hi to them? You've been feeding them for four days."  
  
"Oh, right." She shrugged. "Maybe I'll just go home."  
  
Joey hurried into his apartment and quickly locked the door. Chandler had his own key, of course, but at least Joey would have some warning when he came in.  
  
Then Joey leaned on the foosball table and exhaled painfully, finally letting go of the emotions that he'd been holding in ever since that brutal breakup on the plane. And it wasn't even a breakup, either, because Chandler still considered them sex buddies and not a romantic couple.  
  
Joey couldn't believe that he'd actually thought Chandler was ready two nights before to say that he loved Joey. How stupid could he be? Joey choked back a sob.  
  
The chick and the duck came over to him, flapping their wings and making a commotion, as if to say, "What's wrong?"  
  
Joey looked at them sadly and whispered, "He dumped me." It hurt even worse to say it out loud.  
  
Shocked, the birds quacked and scratched around some more.  
  
Joey just went into his room and locked that door too, in case Chandler felt like checking in on him. Then he miserably lay down on the bed. Joey almost wished that he had let Phoebe come with him, so that he could tell her all of this, and maybe she'd be nice and hold him comfortingly.  
  
For now, only the chick and the duck knew about all the bedroom-hopping of the past three months, and their comfort wasn't exactly helpful. So Joey just lay there, alone.  
  
***  
  
After London, Joey avoided being alone with Chandler, and Chandler started acting strangely, as if he had a secret lover somewhere. Joey knew all the signs.  
  
First Chandler kept that London girl a secret, and now he was keeping some New York girl a secret. Joey vaguely wondered how Chandler had acquired a new girlfriend so soon after London. Possibly it was Janice again, and Chandler was too ashamed to let any of his friends know that he'd gone back to her.  
  
Joey ignored him and worked on mending his broken heart; he even made a pass at Monica, asking her for "some sugar" when Chandler kept kissing Phoebe, Rachel, and Monica in some weird European custom. Monica refused Joey's advances, but he didn't much care. She was hot, but Joey still didn't know what made her so special to Chandler.  
  
But then, after a suspicious weekend out of town, Joey discovered that Chandler's mystery girlfriend was Monica. After Monica and Chandler swore Joey to secrecy about their relationship, he and Chandler returned to their apartment together.  
  
Joey was stunned and kept thinking back to London. So Monica was the girl that Chandler had hid under the covers that night? She was the reason why Chandler had dumped him on the plane? No wonder.  
  
Excited, Chandler suddenly squeezed Joey's shoulders. "Man, this is so great!"  
  
Joey frowned. "You mean, you and Monica?"  
  
"Well, yeah, that too," Chandler shrugged. "But no, I mean, you finding out about us."  
  
Why would he be happy about that?  
  
Chandler hugged him. "God, Joe, this past month has been so terrible! Trying to come up with excuses all the time, not being able to tell you about London... I never thought I'd have to keep a secret from you, Joe. Never!"  
  
Joey just stood there, not knowing what to say.  
  
Chandler sighed in contentment. "I don't care that nobody else knows. Just you."  
  
"Thank you?" Joey responded awkwardly. He really didn't want to know.  
  
Chandler still held on to Joey. "I promise I'll tell you everything from now on, okay?"  
  
Joey groaned. *Great! Just what I need right now.*  
  
Bewildered by Joey's reaction, Chandler frowned and remembered how strange Joey had acted a month ago on the flight home. He lowered his voice and sounded regretful. "I'm sorry about what happened on the plane, Joe. I never wanted it to be that sudden or to sound so ungrateful to you. Those three months we had were incredible, you know? Really wonderful."  
  
"Then why end it?" Joey pulled back from him and searched his eyes.  
  
Chandler looked confused. "You know, 'cause I have a girlfriend now." He laughed happily. "And not just any girlfriend--Monica! I mean, to think that a woman like her could want a guy like me! I--Joe, what's the matter?"  
  
Joey had turned away from him and sat down on a stool with a sigh. He shrugged and tried to look bored. "I just--I never got what you saw in her."  
  
Chandler sat on the other stool and shrugged too. "I'm sorry, I guess I did talk your ear off about her a lot. I mean, I know she's so neurotic and controlling sometimes, but she's also so sexy and vulnerable too. You should have seen her when that drunk guy mistook her for Ross's mom. As if her mom's criticisms weren't enough!"  
  
Joey wished that he could hate Monica the way that Rachel hated Julie, or Bonnie, or Emily, but Joey had been friends and neighbors with Monica for years. He knew her, cared about her, and wished her all the happiness in the world--just not with Chandler. If Chandler had to break Joey's heart with a new girlfriend, why someone so close to home? Someone that Joey couldn't hate?  
  
"Enough about her!" Chandler said when he noticed Joey brooding. He put his arm around Joey's shoulder. "I was trying to apologize to you for all the secrecy and everything. You forgive me, right?"  
  
Joey sighed and grunted. He would rather have lived in ignorance.  
  
Chandler frowned and looked concerned. "Joe? Come on, you're my best friend. You gotta know that. I wanted to tell you, I did, but Monica wasn't sure until after London that she wanted to stay together in New York, so we didn't tell anybody. Then we weren't sure what the rest of you guys would think, and now after a month it's become a habit, you know? She doesn't want to make a big deal out of it."  
  
Joey asked quietly, "Are you, are you guys just fooling around?" Chandler had wanted to keep him and Joey a secret because they were just "fooling around"; maybe he and Monica were just a fling.  
  
Chandler shook his head. "No, I don't think so. This one time, Rachel tried to set Monica up on a date with a male nurse, and I got jealous, so me and Mon discussed whether we were goofing around or not." He smiled. "We decided that we weren't and she started calling me her secret boyfriend."  
  
"Oh." Joey was disappointed. But then again, wasn't being a "secret boyfriend" similar to being a "sex buddy"? Was he just grasping at straws?  
  
Chandler continued, still grinning. "You know, just today, I thought we were going to break up because of our fight on our trip, but she said it was just a fight. I mean, she even said we're in a relationship now! How about that?"  
  
Joey felt better when Chandler mentioned their fight. If not today, maybe Chandler and Monica would break up someday. It wasn't too late yet. Chandler would do something that ticked Monica off, or Monica would do something that turned Chandler into a commitment-phobic freak again. That was how all of Chandler's relationships ended.  
  
"Are we okay?" Chandler asked.  
  
Joey nodded, happy at least that Chandler needed his approval and forgiveness so much.  
  
"Good!" Chandler hugged him close again, and seemed to linger. Then he invited Joey out to a basketball game, and they left together.  
  
***  
  
For a while, Joey tolerated Chandler's relationship with Monica, but just barely. Since Joey knew their secret, they kept doing it in Chandler's bedroom and blaming Joey when they accidentally left underwear or razors in each other's apartments. Knowing about them, let alone keeping their secret from the others, wore his patience thin.  
  
Joey threatened not to lie for them anymore, but they begged him to give them another chance.  
  
"All right!" he said, then turned to Monica. "But you do it with me once."  
  
She refused, of course, and Joey was tempted to make the same request to Chandler, but decided to wait until he and Chandler were alone for that. One way or another, Joey wanted to stop waiting and just break them up.  
  
So later, while Monica was at a literature class with Phoebe, Joey leaned over to Chandler and quietly suggested having a threesome.  
  
Chandler blinked and turned away from the TV. "Wh-what?"  
  
Joey shrugged casually. "You know, for old times' sake."  
  
Chandler laughed nervously. "I told you, Joe, she's not that kind of girl."  
  
"Are you sure?" he persisted. "I mean, she agreed to make that sex video with you."  
  
"Yeah, but..." Chandler seriously thought about it, and wondered if Joey had a point.  
  
Joey reached over and put a hand on Chandler's knee. "It could be fun," he whispered, and watched Chandler's eyes.  
  
Chandler still hesitated, but definitely looked tempted. So Joey turned off the TV and kissed Chandler, who didn't push him away. "I--I forgot what you taste like," he sighed.  
  
Joey smiled. "Then let me remind you." He pulled Chandler onto his lap and kissed him feverishly. They started making out, and Joey almost thought he might get a twosome right now instead of a threesome later.  
  
But then Chandler's conscience asserted itself. "N-no!" he pulled away from Joey and shook his head. "No. This--this is wrong."  
  
"Why?" Joey asked. "If it's a threesome, she'll--"  
  
"No!" Chandler swallowed and returned to his own recliner. "No, um, it--it would be one thing if we were just fooling around, but, um, Monica and I are really serious now. We--we said 'I love you' to each other."  
  
"You did?" Joey sat back, disappointed.  
  
Chandler nodded. "Yeah, so, um, I can't take the risk of messing this up. I'm--I'm sorry, Joe. Thank you for the offer, anyway." He coughed and left the apartment, probably going to wait for Monica to come home.  
  
Joey sighed and just sat there, realizing sadly that Chandler and Monica might really not break up after all. They had even said "I love you," which was more than Chandler had been willing to do with Joey. It hurt deeply, but Joey decided he ought to be happy for Chandler and just move on. 


	13. Present Time: Telling People

Monica and Phoebe went over to Ross and Rachel's apartment to break the news that they were in love and going to have a baby together.  
  
"You're what?!" Ross was shocked to his very core.  
  
Rachel was stunned too, but shushed him, lest he wake little Emma up from her nap.  
  
"Sorry, honey." Ross watched her go check on Emma, then just stood gaping at Monica and Phoebe. "I mean, um, did I--did I hear you right?"  
  
Monica nodded, holding hands with Phoebe. "Yeah, you heard us. Soon Phoebe and I are going to have our own little baby together."  
  
"Yeah, but you're saying you're lesbians too?"  
  
"Uh-huh." Monica nodded again, and shrugged. "Or maybe bisexual. It's still kind of early for me to know." Monica looked to Phoebe.  
  
Phoebe smiled and kissed her happily. "Who cares, honey, as long as you're with me!"  
  
Rachel returned from Emma's room and stood near Ross, murmuring to him that Emma was still asleep. "Good. Thanks." He kissed her and put his arm around her shoulder.  
  
Rachel returned the embrace and joked, "So what did I miss, huh? Monica's not already pregnant, is she?"  
  
Ross's eyes opened wide, while Monica and Phoebe just laughed.  
  
Phoebe replied, "No, we need to go back to the sperm bank to do that. But we're gonna do it soon, don't you worry about that."  
  
Eager for the gossip, Rachel asked, "So, like, how did this happen? What's the story? Did you have a drunken night like Joey and Chandler?"  
  
"No!" Phoebe shook her head and was quite proud. "We weren't drunk at all. I, um, I told her that I love her, and she thought about it, and then we, you know, tried stuff out."  
  
"Yeah," Monica giggled too, before adding, "Oh, and we know this all seems kind of sudden, but it's been a long time coming actually."  
  
Phoebe nodded and sighed, looking into Monica's blue eyes. "It's destiny."  
  
Ross was still amazed and had to sit down. Rachel followed him to the couch, and Monica and Phoebe took seats as well.  
  
"How're you taking it, Ross?" Monica asked.  
  
He shrugged. "Okay, I guess. It's just--Well, Carol announcing that she was a lesbian was one thing, and now my sister too! And Phoebe! *And* Joey and Chandler. I mean, has the whole world gone gay?"  
  
Monica laughed. "Must be something in the water."  
  
"Yeah, or else we're really in the Twilight Zone!" Ross laughed. He sighed and spoke more seriously, "Anyway, um, I'm happy for you guys."  
  
"Me too." Rachel smiled and hugged them. "Congratulations!"  
  
Ross frowned and wondered, "How are you gonna tell Mom and Dad about this?"  
  
Monica shrugged. "Maybe Carol and Susan can give us some advice on coming out. Anyway, think of how happy this news is compared to the news of my divorce! I mean, Joey and Chandler can live happily ever after for all I care!"  
  
"I hope they do," Phoebe said seriously, and looked a bit sad. "I talked to Joey today and they're having some problems."  
  
"What? Why?" Ross and Rachel both asked.  
  
Monica was bewildered too. "What problems? I'm out of their way."  
  
"Yeah, um, but it's not that simple," Phoebe said. "Remember when they didn't show up to the meeting last night? They were having a huge fight, and Chandler was trying to work things out."  
  
"They weren't just too chicken to face us?" Rachel asked.  
  
"No, it didn't have anything to do with us! Well, maybe a little bit to do with Monica."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
Phoebe explained, "Well, you see, from Joey's point of view, he and Chandler weren't just cheating on you, Mon; it was also like you and Chandler were cheating on Joey, only all the time, and not in secret. It really hurt Joey having to be happy for you guys and having to keep his feelings inside."  
  
"What feelings? I thought they were just screwing around until now."  
  
"That's just what they told you, so you would maybe forgive Chandler. But no, it was love, at least on Joey's part; Chandler on the other hand just wanted to keep everything casual and secret. Then, okay, London happens, and suddenly Joey's not good enough for Chandler anymore. He even got dumped on the flight back."  
  
"Whoa! On the plane?" Monica sat up. She could remember the flight back from London, when she and Chandler had wanted to have sex in the bathroom, but Chandler never showed, and had been sitting next to Joey when she returned to their seats. Chandler had told her afterwards that they were having some trivial discussion, and he just couldn't get away.  
  
Phoebe nodded. "Yeah, um, Joey wanted to make Chandler commit to him and reveal their secret affair to everybody, but Chandler kept fidgeting and avoiding it until he finally said that they should stop sleeping together and just be friends. It broke Joey's heart."  
  
"Oh." Monica frowned and felt bad. "On the plane." She shook her head sadly.  
  
Ross thought back. "I don't remember Joey acting depressed after London."  
  
"Did anybody notice when they were sleeping together either? No. Anyway, we were all busy after London. You were obsessed about Emily, Rachel was obsessed about you, Monica and Chandler were doing each other, and I was giving birth to triplets."  
  
"Ah, that's right!" Rachel nodded. "Poor Joey, if he was as bummed over Chandler as he was over his crush on me..."  
  
Phoebe sighed. "It was even worse when Joey found out that Chandler was seeing Monica instead, and he hated having to keep your secret for you. He hoped that you guys were just a fling, but then you got all serious, and he couldn't say anything. I mean, Joey tried to accept that you guys were together for good, and just move on, but it was really hard, and then Chandler finally started feeling something back for Joey. That's how Vegas happened."  
  
Ross shook his head. "Man, why couldn't Chandler have just gone back to Joey then and saved the six of us a lot of trouble?"  
  
"I know," Phoebe nodded and sighed, "but Chandler couldn't decide how he felt and couldn't commit, at least to Joey. I guess he overcompensated by proposing to Monica on the roll of the dice."  
  
"Yeah!" Monica snorted in disgust. "Talk about two-faced!"  
  
"At least you didn't get married that night," Rachel said, thinking of her own drunken nuptials with Ross. She smiled at him, then looked serious again. "You'd think that sometime between Vegas and your actual wedding Chandler would have come clean."  
  
"Yes!" Phoebe exclaimed. "That's exactly what drove Joey crazy too. He felt awful about the cheating and he really wished that Chandler would just tell Mon the truth and leave her, but it never happened. Um, and now Joey resents that whole scene Chandler made when Mon caught them, saying that they weren't serious and begging her not to divorce him. Joey's thinking about not taking Chandler back."  
  
"Whoa!"  
  
"That bad?"  
  
Monica sat back. "Wow. So Chandler doesn't have it as easy as I thought."  
  
"Nope. He's definitely in the dog house. I mean, Joey even wonders whether--well, if you hadn't finally caught them cheating, Mon--maybe Chandler would still be deceiving you and sweeping Joey under the rug again."  
  
"Damn, and I thought you and me had problems!" Rachel said to Ross. "Talk about missed opportunities and bad timing."  
  
Ross nodded and squeezed her hand, thankful that they were able to work past their whole history of jealousy and stupidity. He was not going to fall into that trap again if he could help it.  
  
Phoebe shook her head. "If only something could be done about those two. They should be happy now that we're all happy, you know?" She gestured to all of them.  
  
Each couple hugged each other closer and nodded.  
  
***  
  
The gang went across the street to Joey and Chandler's apartment. When they knocked at the door, it took a minute for Joey to answer it, dressed in a robe.  
  
"Oh, sorry!" Monica said. "We, um, we wanted to tell you guys some news."  
  
"Oh, okay." He shrugged. "Come in. I'll get Chandler."  
  
The gang came inside, and whispered to each other when Joey went into his bedroom. "Hey, maybe they made up."  
  
"Not necessarily," Phoebe said.  
  
Joey returned with Chandler, also wrapped in a robe. Somewhat embarrassed and confused, they sat down with the gang in the living room.  
  
"So what's the news?" Joey asked.  
  
Monica sat closer to Phoebe and took her hand. "Well, we're--we're in love now."  
  
"What?!" Chandler sat up.  
  
Joey blinked and looked at Phoebe. "It's not just you anymore?"  
  
"No," she smiled and kissed Monica. "It's two of us now."  
  
Chandler turned to Joey. "You knew already?"  
  
Joey nodded. "Yeah, um, Phoebe was telling me this morning about being in love with Monica." He shrugged and sighed. "Turns out you weren't the only one."  
  
Chandler winced but said nothing, since they weren't alone.  
  
"We won't be much longer," Phoebe said. "It's just, um, that Monica and I have also decided to have a baby together."  
  
Joey and Chandler were both shocked.  
  
Phoebe continued. "Yeah, and we'd explain it in more detail, but we don't want to keep you guys too long." She looked to Chandler. "Joey told me about what's going on with you two lately, and I explained it to everybody."  
  
Ross nodded. "Yeah, that's why all of us came over. At first, we were really furious at you guys over this whole cheating thing and the divorce."  
  
"Especially me," Monica said.  
  
"And don't get me wrong, we are still mad. But, um, well, now we know a little more, and can see that it wasn't all fun and games for you guys."  
  
Monica nodded and leaned closer. "And Chandler, and Joey--I'm, I'm just so happy with Phoebe now that I'm not gonna hold a grudge against you two. I mean, what you did to me was still awful and it still hurts, but given time, I can see myself eventually forgiving you guys and being friends."  
  
"Really?" Joey was surprised.  
  
She nodded and repeated, "Given time. It'll be a loooong while before we can completely trust you guys not to lie and keep big secrets from us. I mean, it's worse than when Ross flipped out and secretly didn't get the annulment from Rachel!"  
  
"Much worse!" Ross commented in a sulky way. Rachel put her arm around him and smiled patiently.  
  
Monica sighed. "Anyway, until we can all be friends again, we just wanted to let you know what was going on with us, and to tell you that you are not gonna be banned forever from speaking to us. --Unless you do something like this again."  
  
"Never!" Joey and Chandler responded emphatically.  
  
"Good!" The gang finally got up to go, and there was a moment of awkwardness because they didn't feel they could hug like they normal. They coughed and mumbled goodbyes as they headed out the door.  
  
Phoebe lingered and touched Joey's shoulder, whispering, "About being backups..."  
  
Joey shook his head. "No, I'm fine. Be happy with her."  
  
"Thank you!" Phoebe kissed his cheek and said, "Good luck with him." 


	14. Flashback: Vegas, part 1

[Takes place during the Vegas trip. Just assume that no hand-twin plot occurred, so that Joey has more time to spend with Chandler. (I always thought the hand-twin plot was ridiculously dumb, anyway.)]  
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After leaving his friends in the lobby, Joey stood in his gladiator costume and waited for more tourists to take pictures with.  
  
Suddenly Chandler caught up to him. "Joe! There you are."  
  
"Chandler? I thought you'd be making up with Monica after your fight."  
  
"Not unless she comes and apologizes to me!" Chandler was still mad that Monica had lunch with her ex-boyfriend Richard.  
  
"But--"  
  
Chandler shook his head and waved it away. "Never mind, Joe! If that's how she wants to be about it, I don't care! I mean, I didn't come to Vegas just for her, you know? I came to see you."  
  
"You did?"  
  
"Of course!" He hugged Joey warmly. "I missed you. Come on, I haven't seen you in a week and you just walk off like that?" He met Joey's eyes uncertainly. "What, did you not really forgive me for what I said about your big break?"  
  
"No, I did," Joey answered. "I just--I thought you'd be with her on your anniversary."  
  
"Tell me about it!" Chandler rolled his eyes. "But I'm not gonna waste my time being pissed about that. Let's go somewhere and talk, Joe."  
  
It did sound nice. "I can't. I'm working."  
  
"Working? You don't need this job, Joe! Just stop waiting around for that movie, and come back to New York."  
  
Joey shrugged. "I don't know." He was thinking about staying away from New York, as a way to let go of Chandler. If only the *Shutter Speed* movie would start up again, so that Joey could become a movie star and move to Hollywood!  
  
"Please, Joe?" Chandler prompted. "Remember how we were supposed to take a road trip to Vegas before you kicked me out of the car? I say we drive back home together to make up for it."  
  
"Really?" he was surprised. "What about Monica?"  
  
"She's got some thinking to do, about whether Richard is more important to her, or me! I'm not gonna just hang around waiting for her to decide."  
  
"But you want to just take off?" he frowned. This didn't sound like Chandler at all.  
  
"Come on, we'll leave a note before we go. Phoebe's here for her, and Ross and Rachel are coming too." He scoffed. "She can even call up Richard for all I care!"  
  
Joey remained torn.  
  
Chandler held him close again. "Come on, it's like we hardly have time for each other anymore." He shook his head in disbelief and dismay. "I mean, how bad is it, when a sandwich means more to you than me?"  
  
About a month ago, during a ride-along with Phoebe's cop boyfriend, Joey had dived to save his sandwich instead of Chandler. Joey didn't know it was still on his mind.  
  
"Okay," he gave in with a shrug.  
  
"Good!" Chandler smiled. "Now where'd you put the map?"  
  
"In the car. I'll show you." They went off together and retrieved the map from the taxicab that Phoebe had loaned to Joey.  
  
"Let's go up to my room and look at it," Chandler said. "You can change out of that silly costume, too."  
  
***  
  
When they were in Chandler's room, Joey changed into regular clothes from a bag that he had left in the trunk of the car, while Chandler spread the map out on the bed and looked at the two routes that Joey had highlighted. "Did you take the northern route when you drove down?"  
  
"Yeah." Joey came and sat on the bed with him.  
  
"Do you wanna go back that way, or take the southern route?"  
  
Joey shrugged. "It doesn't matter. Uh, flip a coin." He knew better now than to play Phoebe's quick-questions game with Chandler. Although part of Joey stubbornly wondered if Chandler would have answered questions like, "Do you love me? Did you ever? Could you ever?"  
  
Chandler flipped the coin and said, "Northern route it is. It's too late to leave now. We should pack, write our note, and leave first thing in the morning."  
  
"I'll have to quit my gladiator job. And talk to the movie people too."  
  
"Okay. I'll cash in my return ticket to New York." Chandler began folding up the map again. "Now, I'm not sure if Monica's gonna come back to this room tonight or stay with Phoebe, so can I grab my stuff and spend the night in your room?"  
  
"My room?"  
  
"Sure. What's the matter?" He frowned and stopped to figure out how to refold the map correctly. Tricky things, maps.  
  
"Um, well, my room only has one bed."  
  
"I don't care, as long as I don't have to fight with Monica about Richard."  
  
"Yeah, but you know--one bed." He thought the point was obvious.  
  
Tossing aside the map, Chandler turned and looked at him. "Come on, we've shared a bed before. I mean, without having sex."  
  
"I know. I just..." He didn't like the idea of sleeping beside Chandler, however innocently, and having his feelings stirred up again.  
  
Chandler offered, "Well, we can get another bed sent in, if you want."  
  
Joey looked relieved and nodded. "Okay."  
  
Chandler started packing his clothes and joked, "I might as well take all my stuff now, so she doesn't get any ideas from you dressing up those dogs in my sweater vests."  
  
They laughed about that. Joey had been furious that Chandler didn't believe in his big break, so he made creative use of the clothes that Chandler had left in the taxicab.  
  
"How about I take you out someplace nice for dinner?" Joey offered. "Look! Some guy tipped me a hundred bucks today."  
  
Chandler was impressed. "Whoa! A hundred dollars?"  
  
"Yeah, he was playing blackjack for like an hour and won $5,000."  
  
Chandler smiled. "For a moment there, I thought the tip was for X-rated pictures of you."  
  
Joey blushed. "Hey, I don't do that!"  
  
"I know, I know!" Chandler came back to the bed and put his arm around Joey's shoulders. "So, um, where are you taking me for dinner?"  
  
If Joey didn't know better, he'd think Chandler was flirting with him. But that was crazy. Joey shrugged. "Wherever you want. It's your anniversary."  
  
Chandler laughed. "Yep. Although you wouldn't know it, since my girlfriend's off somewhere, probably calling up Dr. Richard."  
  
"You don't know that." Joey started feeling guilty. "Um, maybe this road trip's a bad idea, Chandler."  
  
"What?"  
  
Joey shrugged. "I mean, it's your anniversary with Monica, not me. You should stick around and make up with her."  
  
Chandler pouted. "No! I wanna be with you, Joe."  
  
"But she's your girlfriend."  
  
"So? I see her all the time! And she already said we could go on a road trip."  
  
"But that was before our fight, and your fight, and my movie shutting down..."  
  
"Yeah," Chandler agreed, "it's been a week, and I really missed you, Joe. Come on, let's be friends again."  
  
"We *are* friends."  
  
"Not like we used to be." At Joey's look, he quickly said, "I don't mean the sex. I can live without the sex. I mean everything else. How close we were, how inseparable." He frowned and looked hurt. "It used to be, I'd never have to question that you like me more than Ross. Or a sandwich!"  
  
"Look, I was kidding about the sandwich!" Joey said, hoping he'd let it go. "If we're not together as much, it's just because you're busy with your girlfriend, you know? I still don't get why you're not making up with her now."  
  
"Because I wanna spend time with you, okay! What's wrong with that?"  
  
"Yeah, but how's she gonna take it when she reads your note and finds out that you went off with me?"  
  
"I don't know. It's not like I ever told her that we've slept together. To her, we're just best friends."  
  
"And to you, what are we?" There. He'd finally asked the question.  
  
Chandler inhaled sharply and had no answer. He looked uncomfortable.  
  
Joey got up from the bed. "Forget about the road trip. You go downstairs and make up with her." He started gathering up his gladiator costume, his bag, and the map.  
  
"Don't go, Joe," Chandler said quietly.  
  
"No, I better." He headed for the door.  
  
Chandler jumped up from the bed and blocked the door. "Stay, please. I-I have to talk to you."  
  
Joey sighed. "About your fight with her?"  
  
"No. About, about the question you asked me just now. There's a reason why I couldn't answer. I, um..."  
  
Joey waited, not sure if this was worth staying for.  
  
Chandler sighed and motioned for Joey to sit again. "Please. Just give a minute."  
  
Joey reluctantly set down his stuff on the floor and sat on the bed. He watched Chandler pace around and make various noises as he tried to come up with where to start.  
  
"Okay, um, here goes." Chandler cleared his throat. "I-I saw you on a date."  
  
"So?"  
  
"It was a guy."  
  
Joey blinked. "When?"  
  
"Not long after the ride-along with Gary. I wanted to spend some time with you and mean more than a sandwich again. So I looked for you everywhere, and then I found an address that you wrote down and put in a coat pocket. I-I didn't mean to pry, but I was just getting worried. Anyway, I went there, and saw you sitting with him and--and kissing him."  
  
"I see," Joey said.  
  
Chandler thought this was a big deal, but apparently Joey didn't think so. "Why'd you--why'd you kiss him?" he asked, wringing his hands.  
  
Joey shrugged. "To see if it felt the same." Of course it didn't. Joey could kiss Chandler all day, but other people never made him feel like Chandler did.  
  
Chandler frowned bewilderedly, but struggled on, "I-I guess I was overreacting or something, 'cause when I saw you with him, I couldn't help feeling jealous somehow." He shrugged and laughed nervously. "I mean, that's--that's crazy, right?"  
  
Joey said nothing and watched Chandler's eyes.  
  
Chandler sat down on the bed and bit his lip. He was disappointed by Joey's subdued reaction, so he finished quickly, "Anyway, I thought I might be feeling something, that--that of course I shouldn't be feeling. So I wanted to have a road trip with you to sort things out about, about us."  
  
Joey asked, "You were trying to seduce me?"  
  
"No! I just, I just wanted to be alone with you. A few days driving together, hanging out like friends. Just some time to talk and watch you sleep in the car and figure out these feelings. That's all." He blushed and looked away. "I'm--I'm sorry for wasting your time. I just, I thought for a moment that, um, something was happening here, or that you felt... but never mind, I just--"  
  
Joey pulled Chandler into his arms and kissed him passionately.  
  
Chandler moaned and kissed him back, letting Joey push him onto the bed. 


	15. Present Time: An Evening at Home

After the gang left the apartment, Joey shut the door.  
  
"What did she say to you?" Chandler asked about Phoebe.  
  
Joey shrugged and came back to sit beside him. "She wished us good luck in working something out."  
  
"Oh." Chandler pondered that. "That's--that's nice of her."  
  
"Yeah," Joey agreed. "She, uh, she can understand how I feel about you. We were talking about Vegas and everything."  
  
"You were?" Chandler sat closer and joked pathetically, "All bad, I hope."  
  
Joey didn't smile nor frown, just caressing Chandler's face and looking into his eyes.  
  
Chandler worried that he'd been too flippant.  
  
Finally, Joey asked quietly, "How do you feel about Phoebe and Monica?"  
  
He shrugged and looked bewildered. "I don't know. It's a big shock, and a little confusing. I guess I'm relieved that she's happy and having a baby so soon. I was worried that I might have ruined her life, you know?"  
  
Joey nodded, having feared the same thing when Monica caught them yesterday. But he pressed, "Aren't you jealous?"  
  
Chandler frowned and firmly shook his head. "No! No, I told you, that's over with, Joe. I know you don't have any reason to trust me, but I mean it. I do. You're the only one I want. I hope she and Phoebe stay together and have a whole lot of Buffay-Geller babies. Or would it be Geller-Buffay?"  
  
Joey shrugged and tried to believe that Chandler was sincere.  
  
Chandler touched his hand hopefully. "Um, Joe, when you were talking to Phoebe today, did you, did you tell her to go for it with Monica? Is that how they got together?"  
  
"No. No, I don't know what happened between them today."  
  
"Oh." Chandler bit his lip in disappointment. He had thought that Joey encouraged Phoebe to take a risk to be with Monica because Joey intended to take a risk and be with Chandler. "I guess I shouldn't congratulate you on the good advice, then." After a silence, Chandler ventured, "Do you think we could ever be like them, Joe?"  
  
Joey sighed. "I--I don't know if it's too late for us."  
  
Chandler winced and nodded. "Yeah, um, that's--Me too."  
  
"Chandler," Joey reached for him.  
  
He pulled away and stood up. "No, don't bother. I understand. I'll--I'll just go to my room, then. Good night." He headed to the door, but Joey got up and stopped him.  
  
"No, don't go. Don't go yet." He held Chandler close. "It's not--it's not hopeless yet."  
  
"It's not?" Chandler asked, searching his eyes.  
  
Joey nodded and kissed him. "It's not."  
  
They stood together for a while, not sure what else to say. Chandler feared he might break the mood and render their situation hopeless.  
  
Joey was pensive, until he finally cleared his throat. "You, uh, you hungry?"  
  
Chandler shrugged.  
  
"Let's, let's share the sandwiches, okay?"  
  
"Okay."  
  
Joey motioned for Chandler to sit again, while he went to the kitchen with the bag of sandwiches. Joey reheated a couple of sandwiches in the microwave, and put the rest away in the fridge. He also got out some beers and asked Chandler to turn on the TV.  
  
Chandler did so, but kept watching Joey in the kitchen.  
  
Finally Joey returned and joined Chandler on the big black recliner, which fortunately had many fancy compartments for their drinks and their sandwiches, as well as just enough room for them to sit beside each other.  
  
Leaning back on the recliner, they watched the TV and consumed their food and drinks. The guys exchanged the occasional comment or joke about the TV programs and commercials, but nothing else. It felt good to just hang out like roommates again--or sex buddies, considering that they were both still naked underneath their robes. It was like starting over.  
  
"Whoa, hot!" Chandler jumped a bit. The sandwiches contained meatballs, melted cheese, and marinara sauce, and he had just spilled a little of the sauce onto his robe and chest. "You, um, you got a napkin?" he asked Joey as he put the sandwich into a compartment and licked his fingers.  
  
Joey handed him a napkin to clean up, then noticed some sauce on the corner of Chandler's mouth. Rather than inform Chandler and let him get it, Joey wiped the sauce off with his thumb.  
  
"Uh, thank you." Chandler blinked and noticed that Joey hadn't pulled his hand away yet. They met each other's eyes, and the sounds from the TV became mere background noise, trivial and meaningless. Chandler caressed Joey's hand and licked the breadcrumbs and sauce off Joey's fingers. Then he began lightly sucking each fingertip.  
  
Inhaling sharply, Joey pulled Chandler closer, onto his lap. His other hand slid into Chandler's robe and started teasing one of his nipples.  
  
"Oh, Joe..." Chandler stopped sucking Joey's fingers so he could kiss his mouth instead, and Joey responded passionately. They made out for the length of a few commercials, and Chandler could feel Joey getting excited.  
  
"Your room?" Joey suggested breathlessly.  
  
Chandler shrugged and began untying Joey's robe. "I could do you here."  
  
"Leather gets sticky," Joey warned from experience.  
  
"Yeah, but we wouldn't have to get naked." Chandler slid down on the recliner and began giving Joey a blowjob.  
  
Joey was even more turned on, knowing that Chandler's mouth was good for more things than kisses or sarcastic jokes.  
  
At the start of their affair, Chandler had understandably been timid and unsure of himself, but Joey had progressively coaxed him to be bold and shameless. It took some practice, and the occasional renting of gay porn, but they learned how to do a great many things for each other. Joey would later regret how casual Chandler became about sex, but this--this particular skill was something Joey could never regret.  
  
Chandler teased and licked and sucked him incredibly.  
  
Joey leaned back and closed his eyes to fully enjoy it. He caressed Chandler's head and whispered, "You should--you should grow your hair long again."  
  
Chandler paused and let his hands take over for a bit. "Yeah?"  
  
Joey nodded. "I like your hair long. I mean, not like a girl, but..."  
  
"I know," Chandler answered with a smile. "Yeah, I know what you like." He resumed the blowjob and soon rendered Joey incapable of coherent speech or thought.  
  
Chandler hoped that Joey would keep showing interest in little details like his hair. Right now, they could really use a distraction like making over Chandler's wardrobe and appearance. To prove his love for Joey, he'd go back to wearing those tacky "best bud" bracelets, or take fashion tips from his father.  
  
"Oh Chandler!"  
  
Poised and ready, Chandler swallowed it all without gagging. Then he returned to Joey's side and kissed him lovingly.  
  
Joey held him close and asked Chandler what he wanted in return.  
  
"Just you," he answered. "Just us, happy, like we should have been."  
  
Touched, Joey smiled and kissed him. Then he pulled Chandler into his bedroom and they made love again. It really felt like making love this time, not mere sex, or comforting.  
  
It was only later that they remembered to return to the living room to turn off the television and to make a midnight snack out of their sandwiches. 


	16. Flashback: Vegas, part 2

In the hotel room, Joey and Chandler were making out on the bed when there came a knock at the door. "Chandler? Are you there?" Phoebe asked. "Monica?"  
  
They lay there, hushed and absolutely still.  
  
"Maybe I have the wrong room," Phoebe said to herself. "Better go check."  
  
After she left, they hurriedly got up and straightened their clothes. Joey picked up his scattered belongings and kissed Chandler. "I'll, I'll go down to my room. 210."  
  
Chandler nodded and straightened up the bed. "I'll be right there."  
  
As Joey opened the door, he saw Phoebe on the other side and jumped. Chandler jumped too.  
  
"Hey!" Phoebe looked surprised and mildly drunk. "That's weird! I was just here a minute ago, but nobody answered."  
  
Chandler tried to be funny. "We-well if you were just here a minute ago, why'd you come back so soon? Did you leave your aura behind?"  
  
"How'd you know?"  
  
They frowned at her in bewilderment.  
  
"Anyway, um," she came inside, "where's Monica? Did you guys make up yet?"  
  
"No."  
  
"But she just came up here!"  
  
"That was you!"  
  
While Phoebe stood there confused, Joey glanced at Chandler and hurried out the door with his stuff.  
  
"Bye," she called after him, then turned to Chandler. "I wonder where Monica is."  
  
He shrugged. "Yeah, well, she's probably talking to Richard."  
  
"Would you stop that? She doesn't feel anything for him. She loves you, and she spent all our time at the bar talking about you."  
  
Chandler was still thinking about Joey. Did he say his room number was 210?  
  
Phoebe came over and hit Chandler.  
  
"Ow, Phoebe!"  
  
"What is the matter with you?! I'm talking about your girlfriend, so pay attention! This is your anniversary night, and you're sitting here talking to Joey when you should be making up with her. Go find her now."  
  
"No, I was right, and she--"  
  
"It doesn't matter!" Phoebe shouted. "Question is, do you love her?"  
  
He shrugged.  
  
She hit him again. "What kind of answer is that?! God, why does she even love you? Go downstairs and make up! She feels terrible, so don't let her suffer any longer. Go!"  
  
"Ph--"  
  
"Go!"  
  
He didn't want to leave without all the stuff that he'd packed for the road trip, but Phoebe pushed him out the door and locked him out without his room key. Chandler sighed and headed off to find room 210.  
  
***  
  
Joey let Chandler inside and quickly shut the door. They kissed frantically and headed toward the bed, where they crawled under the covers.  
  
"Chandler," Joey sighed. "I've missed you. I've missed you so much."  
  
"I missed you too, Joe."  
  
They started to get naked, and Joey gripped Chandler's arm a little too eagerly.  
  
"Ow!" Chandler winced. "Phoebe kept hitting me there."  
  
"She did?" Joey looked concerned.  
  
"Yeah, she's a mean drunk! She was trying to talk me into making up with Monica."  
  
"Oh." Joey frowned. Reminded of Monica, his conscience started to bother him.  
  
"Joe?"  
  
Joey felt guilty and shook his head. "It's your anniversary with her."  
  
Chandler nodded. "I know."  
  
Joey sighed. "Do you--do you still love her?"  
  
He took a long time to answer. "I thought I did. Maybe. I don't know. It's just, when I saw you with that guy, it--it tore me apart."  
  
Joey looked sad. "Why couldn't you have felt like this a year ago? Why couldn't you have got this worked up about the girls I slept with?"  
  
Chandler shrugged. "I-I don't know. We were fooling around then." He clung to Joey and tried to kiss him.  
  
Joey stopped him. "*You* were fooling around. Not me."  
  
Chandler looked confused. "What, you felt something for me then?" Then the light dawned on him. "That's why you were acting strange that last month?"  
  
Joey nodded resentfully. "And you're supposed to be the smart one."  
  
Chandler frowned. "I'm sorry. I just--I mean, I know you said some things to me, but I thought it was just the kind of nice lies that people say in bed."  
  
Joey shook his head. "It was never a lie. I love you."  
  
Chandler just stared in amazement. Apparently he couldn't say it in return.  
  
Joey turned away, and Chandler rushed to hug him comfortingly. "I'm sorry, Joe. This is--this is new to me. I told you that I didn't know what I felt, and I needed the road trip to figure things out." He kissed Joey and coaxed, "You'll still go, right? We'll write the note and leave in the morning. And, and tonight we can stay here..."  
  
Joey was tempted, but worried too, especially after their encounter with Phoebe. "Won't Monica wonder where you are?"  
  
He shrugged. "She hasn't yet. She might not even come back to the room."  
  
"But what if she does? What if she finds out what room I'm in?"  
  
"Yeah, she would look for me to be with you," Chandler sighed. "We'll have to be quiet, I guess, and not answer the door." He got up from the bed and turned out the lights.  
  
Joey sat up in the darkness and felt worse with every minute. Monica wasn't just Chandler's girlfriend, and the person standing in their way; she was Joey's friend too. How could they treat her this way? When Chandler returned to bed and kissed him, Joey interrupted. "Maybe you should go talk to her."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Yeah, um, we can't just leave a note and go. I mean, a road trip is one thing when we're just friends, but if we're getting back together or something..." He realized that he didn't actually know what they were doing right now. "What are we doing, huh?"  
  
Chandler shrugged. "I don't know. You--you started kissing me up there, and I just wanted you so badly. You know?"  
  
Joey nodded, but frowned. "We're cheating on her. On your anniversary night!"  
  
"I know. I--Well, she started it, with Richard!"  
  
Joey couldn't believe him. "You're so mad at her for not telling you about Richard, but how come you haven't told her about us? How come you wanna just leave her a note and drive off?"  
  
"I guess--I guess I don't know what to say to her."  
  
"I'll come with you, if you want. We can explain about us. Tell her you need a break to figure stuff out."  
  
"A break? Like Ross and Rachel's break? Somehow I don't think she'll take that very well."  
  
"But we have to say something, you know? And if you say that, she can go back to Richard if she wants."  
  
"Really?" Chandler grimaced at the thought.  
  
Joey was hurt. Here he was taking the risk on Chandler's confused feelings, and Chandler couldn't stop being jealous about Monica and Richard. "I thought you were jealous about my date, Chandler."  
  
"I was! I am. I just, um..."  
  
Joey didn't believe he was so "torn apart" after all. "What are you doing here, Chandler? Having some sort of commitment freak-out over your anniversary? You can't have both her and me. You have to choose someone."  
  
"I know, but I-I don't know how I feel."  
  
"Well, find out!" Joey was fed up. "This is--this is too hard. You can't stay the night, Chandler, and we can't do that road trip. Just go, please, and don't come back until you know what you want."  
  
"Joey!"  
  
"Just go!"  
  
***  
  
Chandler reluctantly left and tried to think things through. He couldn't even go up to his room and brood on it, so he wandered around the lobby and casinos for over an hour. Part of Chandler ached to be with Joey, but another part couldn't really picture himself seriously dating a guy, instead of a girl. Joey had talked about love, too, which Chandler wasn't prepared for at all. It scared him a bit, as did commitment in general.  
  
Maybe Chandler *was* just having a commitment freak-out. Monica was beautiful, wonderful, and had done nothing really wrong with Richard. She had been his crush for years, and they were generally happy. Chandler did think he still loved her, and it was their anniversary after all.  
  
He finally saw Monica gambling at the craps table, apparently on a winning streak. He hesitated for a moment, then went up to her.  
  
"Mon," he said.  
  
She turned and looked instantly guilty. "Chandler! Oh, um, I-I-I was just about to come upstairs and see you. I just--I just got distracted, um..."  
  
Chandler quickly dismissed it. Compared to what he and Joey had been doing, Monica getting caught up in the Vegas gambling fever was nothing. "It's fine, it's fine."  
  
"Good," she looked relieved. "Oh Chandler, I really am sorry about Richard. I don't want to see him anymore, and I won't, I promise."  
  
"Yeah," he nodded. "I believe you. I was, I was overreacting I guess."  
  
She hugged and kissed him. "I know, sweetie. It's our anniversary, and that's all that matters. Let's go celebrate."  
  
"Okay."  
  
They started to leave the table, when the croupier said, "Ma'am, your winnings."  
  
She laughed. "Oh, that's right! Look, Chandler, I've won enough for a really nice anniversary dinner for us."  
  
"Oh--that's nice." Chandler was reminded of the dinner that he'd almost had with Joey, the road trip they'd almost had, and the sex they'd almost had. He felt bad about Joey waiting in his hotel room and decided to at least make a phone call.  
  
Monica gathered up her winnings. "Let's go cash this in!"  
  
"Um, yeah, but first I need to go to the room and get changed for our big anniversary dinner." He started to back away, but Monica stopped him.  
  
"Chandler, I'm coming upstairs too. Just help me with this and we'll go together."  
  
"Okay." He reluctantly went along with her, then they headed up to their hotel room.  
  
Monica let them in, since Chandler had left his room key inside. "Aren't you glad you waited for me?" she smiled. "So where should we eat? Or do you wanna just get room service?" She lay on the bed seductively.  
  
Chandler still needed to phone Joey. "No, since it's our anniversary, we should really go out, you know? To make up for the fight and for me forgetting your present and everything."  
  
"Aw, you're so sweet." She kissed him. "Okay, you pick the restaurant and I'll go change."  
  
He thought he'd have a moment to telephone Joey while she was in the bathroom, but she kept running in and out as she tried to decide what to wear. She also kept asking Chandler if he'd picked a restaurant yet, so he had to go ahead and do that. Chandler decided to wait and call Joey from the restaurant. 


	17. Present Time: Tulsa Love

[There is a short flashback here from the ninth season, especially episode 903, TOW The Pediatrician, episode 909, TOW Rachel's Phone Number, and episode 910, TOW Christmas in Tulsa.]  
-  
-  
-  
-  
-  
Joey and Chandler woke up together, lying close in bed and watching each other's eyes. They kissed, and Joey pulled Chandler back into his arms. "You said you've been dreaming about me?"  
  
He put his head on Joey's shoulder. "Yeah, for a few weeks now."  
  
"Are we together? Without her?"  
  
He nodded. "I mostly dream about Vegas and London, and picture what I should have done and said. It was so real sometimes that I'd wake up and reach for you in bed, but it was only her there. Then I'd stare at my wedding ring and tell myself, 'How dare you think that?! She's you're wife and you promised to give her a baby.' So I just went on, and pretended it meant nothing. It was too late for you and me, you know? But I kept picturing you when I was with her, and caught myself almost saying your name in bed."  
  
"Me too," Joey said. His dates continued to be nothing special compared to Chandler, so he had settled for pretending.  
  
Chandler closed his eyes and clung to Joey. "Why did I make all those stupid choices? Why did I keep hurting you?"  
  
Joey shook his head. "It wasn't--it wasn't all your fault. I was the one who asked to date girls, right?"  
  
"Yeah, but 'I never stopped trying to get dates', either. And then you stopped dating again and tried to make it just us, but I brushed you off and just didn't get it."  
  
"I should have been more direct, I guess."  
  
"No! Trust me, Joe, I would have panicked had you said 'I love you' or 'Let's tell everybody.' I mean, remember what happened in Vegas? I just, I just wasn't ready for us as a couple, and I always thought of you as the macho stud who lived out all my fantasies with women. I didn't want to give that up."  
  
Joey pondered that and shrugged. "Remember in Vegas, I was the one who kissed you?"  
  
"Yeah, and I was the one who wanted a road trip to escape any decision or responsibility!" He frowned and met Joey's eyes. "I'm sorry I couldn't say 'I love you' then. If I could do it over, I'd say, 'To hell with Monica and Richard! I've been thinking about you kissing that guy for a month. I've been thinking about a damned sandwich longer than her lunch date! It's you I came to Vegas for.' I wish I'd known about Phoebe then. That's why she hit me so hard, wasn't it?"  
  
Joey nodded. "You should have seen her hit me yesterday."  
  
Chandler looked appalled and started to ask about that, but was interrupted by the buzzing of his alarm. He had to get ready for work. "Damn!" he sat up and turned it off. "I haven't hated my job this much since I was working in data processing."  
  
Joey shrugged. "At least--at least you're not in Tulsa."  
  
Chandler nodded and was reluctant to leave the bed yet. "If you wanted me to move to Tulsa for you--for any reason--I'd go."  
  
Joey smiled and kissed him. "There's no soap operas in Tulsa."  
  
"I know." He felt defeated and finally got up from the bed.  
  
***  
  
Joey eventually headed for work too. *Days of Our Lives* was a good, steady job, but he had often thought about moving to Hollywood to get more movie roles. What if he did go? Would Chandler really go with him? Just quit his job and uproot himself? Never see Monica or any of their friends again?  
  
Just to test Chandler, Joey could tell him that he was moving, couldn't he? But would that be the end of it? Monica had agreed to move with Chandler to Tulsa, but backed out at the last minute for a new restaurant job. Strangely, no one considered her a bad wife for letting him go alone; everyone was just happy that she'd stay in New York because she was "the glue that holds this group together," according to Ross.  
  
Joey could remember being the only one actually upset the day that Chandler left for Tulsa. The only one who put on a childish act and made a scene. He should have been used to being left by Chandler by now, but it still hurt. The only consolation this time was that Chandler's wife was also giving up him for four days a week, but you'd think she'd be more miserable about it. They acted as if their marriage was completely unchanged, with no long distance, and no days when Chandler was just tired and cranky from all the traveling. And Monica would never let up with the sex, as if she could really be ovulating day after day and week after week.  
  
Joey would often catch Chandler asleep on the couch while Monica was at the restaurant, still unable to sacrifice her job to be with him during his few days in New York. Joey would just sit with him in silence and think, *No wonder he can't be as funny as he used to be.*  
  
"Joe?" He'd sometimes wake up while Joey was there. "Are we alone?" he'd ask.  
  
Joey would nod.  
  
"Ross isn't home, is he?"  
  
"No," Joey would answer, or else he'd go close the drapes on the big window.  
  
"Good." Chandler would visibly relax then, and Joey would come lie against him. It was just a comforting embrace since Chandler was too tired for anything else. It didn't feel like pity then; it felt like love.  
  
Once, Chandler laughed softly. "I told her last night, 'It's better for Joey to think you're cheating on me, than for him to think I'm cheating on him.' I almost added, 'He loves me,' but I don't think she would have believed me." He sighed and caressed Joey's hair. "How are you holding up?"  
  
Joey shrugged. "The same." Same as always.  
  
Chandler kissed him, and asked haltingly, "Would it, would it be wrong if... if you moved to Tulsa, or somewhere close, and we had four days a week?" But he bit his lip and shook his head at his own question. "Forget I said that."  
  
Joey just clung to him and watched Chandler twist his ring round and round on his finger.  
  
The next week, Chandler decided to quit that damn Tulsa job and come home. He told Monica that he came back for her, but Joey had seen that look in Chandler's eyes. At the Christmas party, Chandler got out some mistletoe and kissed Joey in front of everybody, who only laughed, like at New Year's.  
  
After such bravery, Joey had hoped that Chandler would leave her this time, but he didn't. When Joey asked him about it after the holidays, Chandler looked troubled. "How can I quit, and then leave her too--no money, no baby, no marriage? All gone, just like that?"  
  
"But do you love me?"  
  
Chandler frowned. "What if, what if it's just a crush? What if I was just tired and delirious and saying stuff?"  
  
Joey stormed out, and thought he'd never forgive Chandler for that.  
  
***  
  
In the recliner, Joey was waiting for Chandler to come home again.  
  
Chandler came in the door, carrying a Joey special--two pizzas--with him. He seemed to think he needed to bring something every day. "Hi, Joe," he put down the pizza boxes on the kitchen counter. "I know it's not Friday, but I--"  
  
"Chandler," Joey interrupted him, and motioned for him to come sit.  
  
So Chandler joined him on the big recliner again. "What's wrong?"  
  
Joey put an arm around him. "I was thinking about when you kissed me last Christmas. Remember before that, when you had to commute to Tulsa?"  
  
He grimaced. "I try not to think about Tulsa that much. They were the longest three months of my life."  
  
"But what about us? When we'd lay there on your couch?"  
  
"Yeah, that was--nice." Chandler sighed and lay his head on Joey's shoulder. "It was a good thing I was too exhausted to cheat, or we'd have to confess all those bonus days to Monica."  
  
Joey was pensive. "It was the only thing that made me happy then, when you were gone all the time."  
  
"Really? It wasn't patronizing, giving you a cuddle now and then because I was too chicken to leave my wife for you?"  
  
"But you weren't too chicken to quit your job. You came home for me."  
  
Chandler nodded, but felt guilty. "But I didn't do enough. I should've told her everything and ended it, instead of letting it continue another year."  
  
Joey nodded. "I wish you did." After a silence, he asked, "Did you really believe that you were tired and delirious and saying stuff?"  
  
Chandler clung to him. "It was--it was better than thinking that I'd made a terrible mistake, not just when I married her, but years before too. It was better than thinking I was so desperate that I'd ask you to move to Tulsa and be some kind of Oklahoma wife. I mean, what right did I have?"  
  
Joey whispered, "I used to wish that Monica went to Tulsa, and we were here. Or maybe we both went to Hollywood, and you became a movie writer." He shook his head. "I never thought you'd really quit that job, Chandler. I mean, after all those years... You didn't even ask Monica's permission first."  
  
"It wasn't for her," he said. "You know, I didn't tell Monica this, but that Wendy lady did make a pass at me in the office. When she kept trying to make me cheat, I thought, if anybody's gonna do that, it's gonna be Joey."  
  
"Really? And you never told Monica that? I mean, even with a lie?"  
  
"No. How could I keep a straight face saying, 'I quit because I didn't want to cheat on you'?" Chandler looked sad. "I wanted to be happy with you, Joe. I should have made you happy. I'm so sorry."  
  
"I know."  
  
"Tell me what Hollywood would have been like. Would we have a cat, and a view of all that smog? Would you take me to all your movie premieres, and I wouldn't fall asleep? Would we make out and be in all the tabloids? And would my mom and dad be impressed?"  
  
Joey smiled. "You wouldn't care, being in the tabloids?"  
  
"No. Because we're not a secret anymore. We never should have been."  
  
Touched, Joey kissed him and caressed his face. "Maybe, maybe you and me could be together like that. Maybe it would work. I mean, if Phoebe can love Monica all these years and finally get her now, maybe you and me have a shot too."  
  
"You mean that?" Chandler almost didn't dare to hope.  
  
Joey nodded. "But--but I'm gonna need some time to trust you again."  
  
"Of course! However long you need."  
  
"And this time, it's not okay to keep dating girls--or guys, either--and if I hear you moan about missing sex with Monica, or anybody--!"  
  
"I know, I know! I will never, never think of anybody but you!"  
  
"And no threesomes either!"  
  
"Absolutely! Nobody but you, period. Monogamy all the way."  
  
"And, um, you have to forget all the money I've ever owed you, ever!"  
  
"Ye--" Chandler stopped and frowned. "But money was never part of the problem."  
  
"I know," Joey chuckled. "Just thought I'd throw it in."  
  
Chandler smiled and laughed, feeling that he might really be forgiven after all. He kissed Joey and hugged him. "I love you, Joe."  
  
"I love you too." 


	18. Flashback: Vegas, part 3

When Chandler had a moment alone during his anniversary dinner, he used the restaurant's pay phone.  
  
"Hello?" Joey answered.  
  
"Hi, Joe--"  
  
"Chandler?"  
  
"Yeah, it's me. I don't have much time, so just listen, please. I did what you said and thought about everything, and I, um, I made a decision--"  
  
"You chose her, didn't you?"  
  
Chandler frowned. "How did you know?"  
  
"For one thing, you're whispering. For another thing, if you chose me, you'd come see me in person, wouldn't you?"  
  
"Yeah," he nodded and sighed. "Look, I'm sorry, Joe. I guess--I guess tonight's been crazy. I didn't mean to jerk you around or anything. I--"  
  
"I know," Joey sounded sad. "I was the one that kissed you."  
  
"Are you, are you gonna be all right, Joe? I mean," he looked around to make sure he was alone, "you said you loved me and everything."  
  
"I'm fine!" Joey answered shortly. "Happy anniversary!" He hung up.  
  
"Joe!" Chandler started to dial again, but realized that he'd really put his foot in his mouth, and should just let Joey be angry at him, as he had every right to be.  
  
***  
  
At the hotel, Joey left his room to get some fresh air. He didn't want Chandler's pity, just his love. It was all he'd ever wanted.  
  
Joey sighed miserably. He had been trying to move on for months now, trying to find a date that really meant something to him and could help him let go. How could he let one night undo all that work? It was like Joey had gone back to a year ago, when he was desperately in love and getting nothing from Chandler but his usual moaning about girls.  
  
Joey wished he'd never kissed Chandler that first night, after Yemen. He realized that Chandler was a lot like Kate, who had slept with Joey while she had a boyfriend, but it didn't mean anything to her. She didn't feel love until it was too late. Joey had to stop falling for the smart, complicated ones who never knew what they wanted. But how?  
  
Joey kept wandering around that night, and got fired from his gladiator job when his boss spotted him not working and not in costume. So Joey gave back the stuff and shook his head. Maybe tomorrow he'd go find out where Mr. Bing's gay burlesque show was, and get a job there. Yeah, why not? Go and join another part of Chandler's life that he didn't know how to deal with.  
  
Ross and Rachel had arrived, so Joey hoped hanging out with them would cheer him up, but when he found them in Ross's hotel room, they were drunk and almost insensible.  
  
Joey returned downstairs and finally found Phoebe at the slot machines. She mentioned seeing Chandler and Monica together.  
  
"Yeah, um, they were acting all couple-y when I saw them," she said with a sigh. "I told them to get a room, and they thought I was kidding." She frowned and couldn't help resenting Monica's happiness, but she added quickly, "It's just, um, hard for those of us who are single to watch other people in love like that."  
  
Joey nodded. "Tell me about it."  
  
Seeing how depressed he was, Phoebe didn't feel quite so alone. "I knew you had a soft spot, Joey Tribbiani!" she caressed his cheek. "You do want to settle down some day, huh? Listen, if you and me are still single when we're forty, do you want to get married?" She had already asked this question of Ross and Chandler, on other occasions. She was acquiring quite a collection of backups.  
  
Joey shrugged and said, "Sure."  
  
Phoebe smiled. "Good. Now let's cheer up! You wanna gamble with me? There's this lady who lurks by my slot machines, so you can keep a look out for me."  
  
Joey fished his $100 tip out of his pocket. "You, um, you wanna go to dinner instead? I'll treat." The tip was only a sad reminder of his time with Chandler tonight. Why did Chandler always have to disappoint him in hotel rooms?  
  
Phoebe looked at the chip and giggled. "Wow! With this, we could get liquored up real good, and get married." In fact, she'd done it once already, with some guy years ago. A good thing Vegas weddings didn't count anywhere but Vegas, right?  
  
Joey stared at Phoebe and realized that she didn't need anymore to drink, just like Rachel and Ross upstairs. Joey decided to take care of her tonight, and make sure she didn't do anything stupid. It would be a distraction from moping over Chandler, at least.  
  
Joey and Phoebe had just returned from their dinner when they got the message that Ross and Rachel were getting married. They rushed to the chapel, but were too late for the ceremony. Chandler and Monica were there too, and confirmed that Ross and Rachel actually got married. Phoebe also learned that Vegas marriages did indeed count.  
  
After the gang dispersed from the chapel, Phoebe looked depressed and asked Joey to sleep with her. He answered softly, "No," and kissed her forehead. There was only one person he wanted tonight, somebody he'd already lost.  
  
Phoebe felt rejected, and started to cry, so Joey hugged her and told her she was just feeling lonely and single because of all the couples. He let her come to his room and just fall asleep beside him on the bed, but his mind stayed on Chandler.  
  
***  
  
The next morning, Phoebe was grateful for Joey's gentlemanly behavior and considered him a great friend. She suggested that they always get together and discuss the others, whenever they felt low. Joey agreed and was tempted to tell her all his secrets about Chandler, but he held back. It was too painful and private, and she probably wouldn't approve of how he and Chandler had behaved last night. In any case, Phoebe was already getting drunk again.  
  
At the breakfast buffet, Chandler pulled Joey aside and whispered, "I'm sorry about last night."  
  
Joey nodded and stared at the eggs on his plate.  
  
Chandler sighed. "Anyway, um, it turns out that you were right, Joe. I was having a commitment freak-out, just like with Janice. I mean, I even proposed to Monica last night, and we almost got married at that chapel."  
  
"You did?"  
  
"Yeah. The perfect end to a very strange night! Again, I'm very sorry about everything."  
  
Joey said nothing.  
  
***  
  
Joey learned that his movie was officially cancelled, so he drove home with Phoebe. New York was just like he remembered it, but he felt as though he had been gone much longer than just a week.  
  
Chandler and Monica announced that they planned to live together, and Joey knew it was healthier than having Chandler stay with him, but he was still upset and lonely. He only confided his conflicted feelings to the chick and the duck, who at least wouldn't judge him or say, "He never belonged to you."  
  
After Ross and Rachel divorced, everyone prepared for the big move: Rachel would move in with Phoebe, and Chandler would move in with Monica. The night before the move, Chandler kept trying to offer Joey money to cover his bills, but Joey wanted to concentrate on saying goodbye. He was going to have a new roommate move in soon, and everything would move forward, he hoped.  
  
At the end of the night, Joey gave Chandler the big white dog and refused Chandler's charity again. "The only thing I'm gonna miss... is you," he said. "And now the dog."  
  
Chandler smiled sadly and gazed into Joey's eyes. "I'll miss you too."  
  
Joey looked away from him and coughed. "Anyway, um, I'm happy everything worked out with you and Monica."  
  
"Thank you," Chandler said, even more touched and surprised. He moved around the big white dog and came closer. "Listen, about Vegas..."  
  
Joey sat down and didn't want to talk about it. "It's over with. It was nothing."  
  
"No," Chandler sat down opposite him. "It wasn't nothing. I mean, I was really messed up and confused, and I shouldn't have even been there in your room, or before, in my room. I'm sorry. I-I hope you find somebody much better than me to love, Joey. Whoever your dream girl--or guy--is, you just let me know, and I'll support you just like you supported me and Mon. I will."  
  
Surprised, Joey nodded and thanked him. Then Chandler hugged him close and found himself getting weepy.  
  
"I'm--I'm sorry," he said, trying to hide his tears. "But I guess I should, after how you cried when we told you I was moving. I'm gonna miss you, Joe."  
  
Joey repeated softly, "I'll miss you."  
  
After Chandler composed himself, they started to let go, but met each other's eyes. It was Chandler who first leaned in for a kiss.  
  
Joey turned away and got up from the couch.  
  
Chandler cleared his throat and said, "I'm sorry. God, I don't know what's wrong with me. You're--you're okay?"  
  
Joey went over to the broken foosball table and pretended to fix it, keeping his back to Chandler.  
  
"I'm sorry!" He felt awful. "I-I guess it's a good thing I'm moving out, huh? I never used to be this weak. I just, I don't know, started remembering what we almost did in Vegas."  
  
Joey said nothing, so Chandler continued talking, shaking his head. "I mean, what am I panicking about this move for? It's just across the hall. It's nothing like getting married to her." Chandler sighed and rose to go. "Maybe, maybe they're done packing over there. I should spend the night there."  
  
Joey answered, "No, they're having their special last night. They sent me and Ross home so they could hang out, just girls."  
  
"Oh." Chandler frowned. "Then I'll go to Ross's, I guess."  
  
"What will you tell him?"  
  
"I don't know. Maybe, um, we're fighting about the broken foosball table or something."  
  
Joey warned, "No, he'll just come back with you and try to get us to make up. It's our last night."  
  
"Yeah," Chandler realized and sat on the stool. "Yeah, they all want us to be together." He winced at the irony. "I guess I'll stay in my room. You--you lock your door just in case, Joe." How strange to say that, when Joey had always been the one to sneak into Chandler's bedroom when they were lovers. Chandler had never locked his door against him.  
  
Joey remembered that. He remembered everything they'd ever done together. Joey stared at Chandler, and could almost feel his thoughts. Surrendering to temptation, Joey came over to Chandler and asked, "Kiss me one last time. Just for goodbye."  
  
Chandler did so, passionately, and neither of them wanted to break off the kiss.  
  
Joey finally let go. "Goodbye," he whispered.  
  
Chandler held onto him and searched his eyes. "We could--since it's our last night... I mean, I owe you something for Vegas, huh? And London? It would be... goodbye."  
  
Joey knew better, but he wanted it badly too. He kissed Chandler again, and nodded. They spent the rest of the night in Chandler's bedroom. 


	19. Present Time: Nine Months

In Phoebe and Monica's apartment, Carol said to her ten-year-old son, "Ben, come meet your new cousin Lily Frances." The boy stood up and came over to the couch where the two mothers sat holding their new baby girl. Monica, being the birth mother, looked a bit tired, but happy.  
  
"Hi," Ben said politely, but wasn't that thrilled. He was feeling a bit outnumbered, what with his half-sister Emma, and the fact that Frank and Alice's triplets were girls except for Frank Jr. Jr. Ben looked to Phoebe, "You promise to have a boy next time?"  
  
"Absolutely," Phoebe answered.  
  
"How can you promise that?" Ross asked.  
  
"Because I'm the one having the next baby, and I can already sense what I will have."  
  
"What?" Ross remained incredulous. "You haven't even picked another donor. It's the father's chromosome that determines sex--"  
  
"Ross, don't mention sex in front of our new baby yet," Phoebe interrupted.  
  
"Yeah, or Emma," Rachel added, covering their toddler's ears. "We haven't had that discussion with her yet."  
  
"I was talking about gender," Ross said.  
  
"We know, we know," Monica laughed. "They're just teasing you. Hey, if it is a boy, what kind of names do you think would work?"  
  
The adults began discussing that, but Ben was becoming fidgety. He turned and asked his moms, "Can I go play with Uncle Joey now?"  
  
Susan replied, "Okay, ask your Uncle Joey."  
  
Ben went to the chair where Joey sat, with Chandler perched on the arm. "Did you bring the Playstation?" he asked excitedly.  
  
"Of course!" Joey answered. "Let's go set it up." He got up from the chair and gestured for Chandler to come with them.  
  
"I'll be right there, Joe," Chandler kissed him and watched them go over to the TV. Then he came over and kissed Phoebe, Monica, and little Lily Frances on their foreheads. He said with a smile, "Congratulations again! If you feel like it at all, could you consider Joseph for the first or middle name?"  
  
"We'll think about it," Monica nodded.  
  
"Thanks!" Chandler hugged them, and then joined Joey and Ben at the TV.  
  
Carol smiled. "They're just a bunch of boys aren't they?"  
  
Everybody agreed, and Susan commented, "That was so sweet, him asking for Joey's sake."  
  
"Well, Chandler's already had a kid named after him, even if it turned out to be a girl."  
  
Everybody laughed at that, then Carol asked, "Do they want kids at all? I thought when you were married to Chandler, he wanted to have a baby too."  
  
Monica nodded. "Yeah, but we think he's still trying to sort out which of his feelings were real during our marriage. At least he knows that he loves Joey."  
  
There was a holler when Ben won at the Playstation, so Chandler stepped up to play now, while Joey returned to the group surrounding the baby.  
  
Joey remarked, "Ben's good. I'm not even letting him win anymore."  
  
"Whoa, Emma, what's going on?" Rachel said when her toddler started squirming in her lap.  
  
Ross speculated, "I think all that excitement over there is making Emma curious. Why don't I take her over there to watch?"  
  
"Okay," Rachel handed Emma over, "as long as they're not playing any of those gross blood-and-guts games."  
  
Ross nodded and kissed Rachel before taking Emma over to the TV.  
  
Joey asked, "So, you still talking about boys' names?"  
  
Phoebe nodded. "Yes, we're considering Joseph."  
  
Joey smiled, flattered. "Wow. Thanks, Pheebs. And Monica." He came over to kiss them.  
  
Carol asked, "Do you and Chandler ever talk about having kids?"  
  
"Us?" Joey sat back in his chair. "I'm not sure if he wants to. He was a little shy, you know, when we got married. Kept asking me if I was sure I trusted him now."  
  
"You should ask him about kids," Monica said. "If not now, maybe later on. He's really happy with you, Joey, and with the way you two connect with Ben, you could make great parents."  
  
"Maybe. But wouldn't we need some woman to have the baby? I mean, it's not like we can just get eggs and implant them in one of us."  
  
"Ooh!" Phoebe said, pointing to her and Monica, "How about for our next baby, we use sperm from one of you guys? We could share the baby."  
  
"Really? Wouldn't that be a little awkward?" Rachel asked. "I mean, given the history."  
  
Joey agreed. "Yeah, maybe we just adopt. Excuse me." He returned to the group gathered by the TV.  
  
"Why'd you have to say that, Rachel?" Phoebe complained.  
  
"I'm sorry! But don't you think it would be weird? Being friends again is one thing, but co-parents?"  
  
"Rachel does have a point," Susan said. "We and Ross have to focus squarely on Ben's best interests during parenting disputes, and not on our old jealousies and resentments. I can't imagine how tough it would be for the four of you."  
  
"It's whatever you're comfortable with," Carol added.  
  
Monica sighed and looked at Phoebe. "Yeah, if Chandler started picturing me and him as a mom and dad again, even within the bigger group, I wouldn't want to think what it would do to his relationship with Joey."  
  
Carol and Susan squeezed Monica and Phoebe's hands. "Sorry we can't be better mentors for you about this, but the situation's a lot more complicated with you guys."  
  
Lily Frances started to cry. "Oh no!" Phoebe took hold of the baby and rocked it gently. "What's the matter? Your diaper need changing? You hungry again?"  
  
Ross looked up at the noise, allowing Ben to defeat him at the Playstation. Joey and Chandler, who were playing with Emma on the floor, stood up.  
  
"Everything all right?" Chandler asked, holding Emma.  
  
"Yeah, she's just hungry," Phoebe explained, while Rachel helped Monica undo her shirt and nursing bra. All the women except Susan had given birth, and all had advice to give on breastfeeding and other motherly duties.  
  
Holding her between them, Joey and Chandler began swinging Emma back and forth as she giggled. "Hey, think if Frank and Alice had come today," Joey said. "So many kids running around."  
  
"Yeah," Chandler replied. "I'd like to see little girl Chandler again. She must be, what, five years old now?"  
  
Joey started to speak, but was interrupted by childish babbling. "Okay, okay, Emma. Here you go." They set her down on the ground again near her father, whose attention she craved now.  
  
"All right, Emma," Ross said. "You sit in my lap and we'll see if we can win against Ben."  
  
Joey put his arm around Chandler and kissed him. "You want to have our own kid someday?" he asked cautiously.  
  
Chandler looked at Ross with his kids and shrugged. "Maybe."  
  
"No rush," Joey said, watching his eyes.  
  
"I just--" Chandler hesitated and wanted to have some privacy, so they headed into the bedroom. One corner had been made into a nursery, and he stood staring at it.  
  
Joey hugged him close. "We don't have to, of course. It's just, I thought you wanted kids once."  
  
"I did," Chandler shrugged. "I don't know about now. Do you really want kids, Joe? Or is it just because you want to carry on the Tribbiani name? I mean, your sister Dina already had a kid with that Bobby guy, and she kept the Tribbiani name."  
  
"I know," Joey said. "It's just--I've been Uncle Joey lots of times, but never Dad."  
  
"Oh." Chandler looked troubled.  
  
Joey kissed him and the ring on his finger. "It's okay. If you're not comfortable, we don't have to. I married you for you, you know?"  
  
Chandler hugged him and thought it over. "Would we adopt, or find some surrogate...?"  
  
Joey told him, "We have an offer from Phoebe and Monica, to share their next kid."  
  
Chandler frowned. "That--that would be weird."  
  
"I know."  
  
"I'd--I'd rather have even Janice, you know? Or Kathy, whom we both dated."  
  
Joey nodded.  
  
"It's not that I feel anything for Monica anymore--" He sighed. "I just--I just want it to be us. I mean, I married her once. I actually *married* her. The annulment might erase it legally, but it still, it still happened, you know?" He felt guilty all over again.  
  
"I know." He squeezed Chandler's hands reassuringly. "I trust you, but I know it would be weird to share their kid. I told you how me and Phoebe almost got together, right? We shouldn't have to share, anyway. There's plenty of girls who get pregnant like my sister Dina did, and don't know what to do. Or, if we adopt an older kid, Ben could come over a lot to play with him. We could have two-on-two foosball."  
  
"That sounds great." Chandler smiled and kissed him happily. "Oh, Joe, I love you. Have I said that today?"  
  
Joey grinned. "It's always good to hear."  
  
So Chandler repeated, "I love you. And when we get home, I'm gonna show you, too."  
  
They chuckled naughtily, then rejoined the others in the living room.  
  
The End 


	20. Bonus Chapter

[Here are the bonus nights that I couldn't work into the plot. They take place during or after each episode named.]  
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Otherwise Engaged (701, TOW Monica's Thunder):  
  
In the middle of the night, Chandler sneaked across the hall and into Joey's apartment, as if he still lived there. He went into Joey's bedroom and sat down on the bed.  
  
"Joe?" he rudely shook him awake. "Joe?"  
  
Joey blinked and rubbed his eyes. "What? Chandler?"  
  
"Yeah it's me," he answered. "You gotta help me out."  
  
"What?" Joey looked at the clock and groaned. "I told you I have to get up early tomorrow, Chandler!"  
  
"I know, I know, but I can't wait until morning! I need--"  
  
Joey rolled over to return to sleep.  
  
"No, Joe! No, please! I need your help."  
  
Joey reluctantly rolled back to face him. "With what?"  
  
"I'm still having my problem."  
  
"Problem?"  
  
"Yeah, my problem! My problem in the bedroom. Come on, you embarrassed me by telling everybody."  
  
"Oh yeah," Joey chuckled as he remembered. "I had to get back at you for saying I can't play 19."  
  
"Wh--! You did that on purpose?"  
  
He shrugged. "You made fun of me on purpose."  
  
Chandler sulked. "Just for that, I'll, I'll--!"  
  
"Go to bed?" Joey rolled over again.  
  
"No! Wait, wait! I'm sorry, Joe. Just help me, please?"  
  
Joey yawned. "Go to sleep. It'll be fine in the morning."  
  
"I can't go to sleep! I can't! I've gotta fix it tonight. I have to."  
  
"Why?" he groaned.  
  
"Because I'm engaged tonight! Engaged! This shouldn't happen to me."  
  
"You can't control it," Joey murmured.  
  
"I know, but this is really freaking me out. What if it doesn't fix itself like Monica says it will? What if it lasts for days, or weeks, or God forbid, right through the wedding? Think of the crappy honeymoon!"  
  
"Chandler, where do you get ideas like that? Calm down."  
  
"I just, I just have this awful feeling, Joe. This horrible dread because it happened tonight of all nights. You know how I get about marriage? Maybe this is one of those deep psychological things that no pill can fix. Something about my parents' divorce maybe."  
  
Joey frowned. "Have you told Monica this stuff?"  
  
"Are you crazy? I can't do that. She'll think I have doubts and want to back out of the wedding."  
  
"Yeah, but you gotta work it out with her." He shrugged. "Maybe you telling me about it is enough. Go back and try it with her."  
  
Chandler didn't budge. "No, she's a quitter. She gave up on me already."  
  
"Oh well." Joey rolled back over to sleep.  
  
"Joey!" Chandler hugged his shoulders. "Don't go to sleep too!"  
  
Joey sighed and tried to be patient. "What do you expect me to do? I'm not a shrink or a doctor."  
  
"No, but you're my friend, and--" he paused significantly, "--and my ex."  
  
Joey blinked. Chandler had just called him his "ex", as if they had been a real couple. He sat up in bed, fully awake now.  
  
Chandler nodded and sat nearer to Joey. "You were always, always so good. If anyone knows how to fix me, you do."  
  
Joey was flattered, but level-headed. "We can't do any of that stuff now. You're engaged, remember?"  
  
"I know," Chandler said. "But I thought, um, you could talk me through something. We wouldn't have to touch. It's just, the sound of your voice..." He closed his eyes and shivered. "And, um, it could be good for you too. Just think of phone sex, or did you never have to do stuff like that, when you could get the real thing?"  
  
Joey contemplated this scheme. It still sounded against the rules.  
  
Chandler coaxed irresistibly, "We could start with you. Do you remember, um, when I would suck you? Remember how wet, and hot, and...?"  
  
Joey remembered all right. He closed his eyes as Chandler kept narrating in filthy detail. Joey started stroking himself and fantasizing.  
  
Chandler breathed right in Joey's ear and pulled back the covers so he could watch everything Joey did. After a while, Chandler noticed that he was becoming hot too, but it would be rude of him to stop in the middle of Joey's treat, and besides, with Monica, Chandler's arousal had kept coming and going all night. He wasn't fixed yet.  
  
Almost imperceptibly, they started to cross the line. Chandler moved closer and closer until their bodies touched, and their breathing coincided. Joey reached over and groped inside Chandler's pants. Chandler reciprocated the touch and licked his lips.  
  
Finally Chandler kissed Joey passionately and sank with him onto the bed. Joey moaned and embraced him, helping him get naked. They made out and began rolling passionately under the covers.  
  
Joey's conscience nagged when Chandler reached for condoms and lubricant from the nightstand. "We shouldn't. You said we weren't gonna touch."  
  
"I know," Chandler shrugged. "But I could give you a real blowjob, huh?"  
  
Joey was tempted, but shook his head. "We had our last night already. Remember?"  
  
Chandler kissed him. "Then let's have a bonus night."  
  
"A bonus night?"  
  
"Yeah, Ross and Rachel kept talking about having one tonight, but they never did it. Let's take theirs."  
  
He gave in. Unlike Rachel, Joey was stealing far more than Monica's thunder tonight.  
  
***  
  
Getting Over Rachel (817, TOW The Tea Leaves):  
  
"She really hurt you, huh?" Chandler caressed his face softly.  
  
Joey knew that look in Chandler's eyes. He didn't think he'd ever see it again, especially not after Chandler's marriage. After two years, it seemed like Chandler had learned some self-control at last. Or else, he truly loved Monica.  
  
"Are you--are you sure she'll be gone all night?" Joey asked. He didn't really know whether he meant Monica or Rachel.  
  
Chandler nodded. "I told Monica and Phoebe to make it a sleepover, so we could have a guys' night and get you over her. Then I told Ross to meet us at the strip club. We'll just stay here and lock the door."  
  
Joey nodded and watched Chandler lock the door, unplug the phone, and turn out the lights. It was so methodical, as if he did it all the time. He took off his wedding ring and put it on the kitchen counter.  
  
Then they went to Joey's bedroom. "You can pretend I'm her," he said as they kissed. But Joey realized that this whole crush was about him pretending that Rachel was Chandler.  
  
***  
  
It Must Have Been the Mistletoe (910, Christmas in Tulsa)  
  
After Chandler gave everybody their gift envelopes, and the gang discovered that they were donations to the New York City Ballet, they complained a lot.  
  
Chandler defended himself. "I don't have a job."  
  
Monica nodded. "Yeah, and besides, all the presents I already gave you guys were from the both of us."  
  
The gang grudgingly accepted that, and Monica told Chandler to come look at the snow falling outside. He did so and exchanged a glance with Joey.  
  
After a moment, Chandler left the window and went to get something from his coat pocket. "Um, guys, when I was in Tulsa, I kept remembering all the holidays we've spent together in the past. And, um, Joe, if you wanted to repeat our New Year's kiss..." He pulled out a sprig of mistletoe and held it over his head.  
  
Everyone but Joey was confused. Monica asked, "Why would Joey want to--"  
  
Joey went up to Chandler and kissed him.  
  
Surprised, the gang just pointed and laughed. Ross said with a smile, "Damn, I don't have a camera this time!"  
  
Joey stood back from Chandler and wished they could have more than just an innocent peck on the lips, but he knew Christmas was no time for Chandler to break Monica's heart.  
  
Chandler met Joey's eyes sadly, and braved whispering, "I love you." Unable to hold back, Joey kissed him again, passionately. Chandler dropped the mistletoe and moaned, returning Joey's embrace.  
  
Monica no longer thought this was funny or cute. Everyone else gasped in shock. Monica came over and pulled Joey off of him. "Joey, that's my husband!"  
  
Joey reluctantly turned away and shrugged, just sitting down on the couch. Chandler watched him and leaned back against the door, in a daze.  
  
Monica scowled at her husband. "Chandler! What's the matter with you?!"  
  
Chandler sighed and bluffed, "He's--he's a really good kisser."  
  
"Yeah," Phoebe agreed, having shared kisses with Joey before.  
  
So had Ross, who shrugged, "Sorry, Mon, it's the truth." He looked at Joey and joked, "Are you planning on kissing all of us like that someday?"  
  
Monica was still pissed. She suddenly grabbed Chandler and kissed him hard, wanting to confirm that he was straight. Chandler had to go along, but Joey frowned and looked away.  
  
Phoebe hated watching it too, so she grabbed Joey and kissed him.  
  
"Whoa!" Ross and Rachel were shocked.  
  
"There's a baby in the room!" Rachel said, going over to make sure that Emma couldn't see.  
  
Ross helped her shield Emma from the make-out sessions. He thought about the irony that he and Rachel, who were parents of a child, weren't kissing too.  
  
It was a good thing Chandler was bisexual, or he'd never have got through having sex with Monica that night. As it was, he had to picture Joey and bite his lip against saying his name. "Oh God, I missed you!" he kept his eyes closed. "When you kissed me tonight..."  
  
"Yeah, that's right!" Monica thought he was just being apologetic for the kisses with Joey.  
  
***  
  
Full Circle (the last bonus night):  
  
Surprised to find him at home, Joey asked, "How come you didn't go with Monica?"  
  
He shrugged. "I changed my mind at the last minute. She'll be happier talking food with other food people. Besides, we always fight when we go away together. There was Atlantic City, Vegas, the bed and breakfast where the deer kept watching us make out..."  
  
Joey sat on the couch with him. "Well, you wanna get a pizza or something?"  
  
"Sure, and some beer. How about some porn too? Monica disabled the free porn channel and won't let me pay for it either."  
  
"Ouch. What do you want to rent?"  
  
"I don't know. Actually, don't you have a pretty good collection at your place?"  
  
"Oh, you want to see one of those?"  
  
"Yeah, why go out?"  
  
"Okay, you call for pizza and I'll go bring over some videos. Which would you rather see, straight or lesbian?"  
  
"Wait, why don't we just watch at your place?"  
  
"Okay."  
  
They went across the hall and opened up the entertainment center to view Joey's porn collection. Chandler chose a few videos, while Joey ordered the pizzas.  
  
They sat in the living room and had beers while they waited for the pizza guy. Chandler was on the couch and Joey settled in his recliner.  
  
"You wanna put in the first tape now?" Joey asked.  
  
"What if the pizza guy is a girl, who gets all offended when she sees the porn?"  
  
"It's my home!" Joey shrugged. "Well, maybe *Baywatch* is on." He flipped through the channels with his remote.  
  
Chandler checked his pockets, then stood up to return to his apartment. "Oh wait, let me get some cash for the pizza guy."  
  
"I can pay for it," Joey said.  
  
"Oh, sorry. Force of habit." He sat down again. "So, um, how is your career going? Are you thinking about moving to L.A. yet?"  
  
"All my family's here," he said noncommittally. Joey had thought about moving several times, but had never been able to actually do it.  
  
"Well, you could try it out," Chandler suggested. "If you have enough money, you could rent a second home there. A nice sunny place to stay at during the winters."  
  
"Maybe. Would you guys come out and visit me?"  
  
"Sure, if you invite us."  
  
It sounded almost like a group trip to the beach, or London, or Vegas. Joey wondered whether he could stand seeing Monica and Chandler together at his second home too. Could he find some excuse to invite only Chandler again, like when he brought just Chandler to his movie premiere? But maybe Joey shouldn't invite Chandler at all; maybe he should be thinking of letting go of Chandler permanently.  
  
The strange silence in the room was finally broken by the arrival of pizza guy. Joey got up and paid for the pizzas, then brought them over to the table.  
  
"I guess we can start the porn now," Joey said, putting in the first videotape.  
  
Chandler answered, "I'm sorry. It is your home. Do whatever you want. I guess I'm used to living by Monica's rules."  
  
*Tell me about it.* Joey frowned, then settled back and watched the porn.  
  
Chandler felt bad. "Joe?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Are you still angry about me not leaving her after Tulsa?"  
  
Joey shrugged, still not turning to him. "We're friends again. Just friends."  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
He was always sorry.  
  
"I'll go if you don't want me here."  
  
Joey snorted. "Yeah, that's right. Go back to her place!"  
  
Chandler was hurt. He put down his beer and started to go. But he turned back at the kitchen. "Why do you keep waiting around for me anyway? Why don't you find somebody else yet? Maybe if you go to L.A., Kate might be there and you can fall in love again."  
  
"I don't want her! I don't want somebody else! I just--" He broke down and threw the remote on the floor.  
  
Chandler came back and squeezed onto the recliner with him, holding him close. He didn't know what to say, but he felt like crying too.  
  
The cheesy porn music kept playing in the background, and Chandler finally said, "I, um, I stayed home because--well, I had these dreams--"  
  
Joey cut him off by kissing him. He pulled Chandler onto his lap, and they made out. "How many days is she gone?" Joey asked.  
  
"Three."  
  
"Okay." Joey got up and turned off the TV and VCR. He wanted to ask Chandler to leave her when she came home, but he really didn't feel like being disappointed again. Maybe he'd have just one more weekend with Chandler, then move away.  
  
Chandler slid his wedding ring into a pocket and put away the pizza boxes and beers. Then they retired to Chandler's old bedroom, kissing and rapidly getting naked. It may have been two years since the last time, but they remembered everything about each other.  
  
It wasn't until the second day that Monica came home and caught them in their guilty pleasures. 


End file.
